The dinner was mostly consistent with what I normally do when I go out with women. Let them vent to me. I believe that the cosmos designated me as a universal ear for people to commune to their grievances. I've heard many, many stories, enough for a mid sized coffee table book I will eventually call, "BITCHING"
It's not a bad thing honestly. I've learned allot about the Human Condition just by listening, and in turn, have been able to dish out some advice here and there.
Well, last night, around hour 2 of her venting, she brought up relationships and dating. We went over her past and her style in High school. This led to a side discussion of fashion in terms to the people she associates with and with the guys she dates. I made a smart ass remark to kinda loosen the atmosphere, but she then questioned me about my past relationships.
Now, this girl has some idea of my horrid past with women, but not allot. I reiterated that I've never been in any sort of relationship. I also brought up the irony that for a while, a good portion of my friends were predominately female.
She kinda chuckled (as they all do) and told me that its probably the way I dress.
That sentence kinda came as a mild shock.
Let me explain why.
To get an idea of my sense of fashion, I provide you with these:
This is my usual attire. Super long baggy shorts, a black shirt with some sort of logo on it, and I'm usually sporting a hoodie of some sort (for the time, its my TAPOUT one) And if whether permits, my PRIDE FIGHTING beanie, and a trench coat.
Its usually the best I can do. I'm a big guy, and on top of that, not the greatest looking guy either. I would put my looks around Cave troll and garden gnome. And there's not a hell of a lot I can do to accessories. I tried this as a joke one time.
Scary..
So this girl proclaimed that when she first met me, that I kinda looked like a rapist/sleazebag.
I chuckled in victory, but she went on to say that she was serious. Now that she knows me better, she says that she knows I'M NOT a sleazebag rapist, but more or less, a nice, but lazy looking mother fucker.
This got me thinking..
Perhaps my dress code is part of my status problems,I pondered. Maybe, a lot of my social awkwardness is part in parcel of my hardcore Kevin Smith rip off look?
When that thought bubbled popped and I jolted back to reality, I told her, simply.. MEH. I'm happy the way I am. Sure, I look like I could very well end up being NORM from Cheers one day, but I told her why make myself miserable wearing shit that I don't like, when I'm fully content with what I got.
This way of thinking kinda went over her head and it took her a moment to grasp it. She honestly couldn't understand that some one like me wouldn't be changing or going above and beyond to achieve something, that simply I think, is pointless at this point.
I told her, I'm 25, while I'm still young, I'm kinda set in my ways. If the ladies don't dig on the Chris, then fine, so be it. I reaffirmed this in that why would I want to be with some one that, if they're not into my look, then they're not really into me.
From my experience, yes there is compromise to being in some sort of relationship, but honestly, if the people in said relationships don't like some of their significant others major attributes, then clearly, there's no point in being with them. No one should change the way they are for anyone one else. It also goes the other way that no one should change some one else to suit their needs. All it brings is a shit storm in the end.
So if a female is ever into me, its going to be for who I am. Me, the overweight, darkly cynical geek who swears a lot, loves watching pain inflicted on people who deserve it, enjoys cartoons and likes to wander about in weird places for the hell of it. Other wise, why bother.
Besides, not that it really matters. Back when I was thin and dressed more appropriately, it wasn't like I was some fucking pussy magnet. No, I was just like I am now, except thinner, had a positive out look on life, less racist, and a bit more naive. And it still yielded no results and just oodles of heartbreak!
So, I stands my motto, "Fuck you", when it comes to people calling me out on what I do with my life. If you don't like the way I am, don't associate with me, and I'll do the same.
