Wise Investments:

As a child, I had a strong love affair with Nerf. It was a gun that you could shoot people with that didn't hurt. Why? Because it was made with a material that made me believe that there was a higher power. I've always proliferated that we needed a theme park made completely of NERF. There would be nothing more awesome than a place that if you fell down on a corner table, you'd bounce right off of it. Alas, the only down side to my childhood love was that the guns were soso, the darts ran and got lost quick, and most importantly, there were no blunt objects made of the material.

Then a few weeks ago, I saw this in Walmart:



And I completely lost my shit.

At the tender age of 26, I finally got one of my greatest wishes. A fucking broad sword made of Nerf. Not only a Broad Sword, but a fucking sword that was shaped like Link's Master Sword from A Link to the Past. Oh, the parents with their 8 kids and the sideshow attractions that occupied that Long Beach Walmart at 2:15 in the morning must of wondered why a guy who looks like the Michelin man was doing cartwheels in the toy isles.

Upon inspecting the sword, I feel in love. The whole thing is made of pure Nerf. It's soft enough not to do any damage, yet, just stiff enough to be a complete asshole when hitting someone with it. My inner child had just jizzed gold.

So what do I do. I buy it. Not only that, but it's the first major purchase I use my Tax Return on. Yes, my more than thousand dollars, I plop down $20 bucks on a Nerf Broad Sword. Was it worth it? Fuck yes. Now I have something to bash the shit out of people during drunken shindigs