As I write this, I'm very tired. Why? Because I was up very late last night. See I had gone and peeped Wolverine with my good friend Melissa. After enjoying 90 minutes of Huge Jackman's naked upper torso, I came home. Home being my grandparents place were I currently dwell between apartment living. I talked for an hour to a very passionate Elisabeth, who had, like Popeye, had all she could stands and couldn't stands no more from the same movie I had just watched. After our conversation ended, I rolled over to try to get some sleep before it would be too late..
Well, that didn't work. See, the upstairs portion of the house I'm living at not only creaks, but I swear that there are small, shadow gremlins living there and try to get me at night. Get me with their rape spoons!
Its the fact that the room, once the door is closed, is a black hole of sound. The silence is literally deafening. And with that, and no light, the mind wanders. Add to that that there is a constant creak and buckle of the house, my sleep patterns are way off.
From my past experiences sleeping there, sleeping in this room is like sleeping in a sound deprivation chamber, and that's the bad thing!
With no outside noise, my mind wont shut up at night! And it gets bad! I start thinking of scenarios of horrible things that could go wrong! Strange Muppet men coming out of the closet to grab me! Oh, then there the almost A.D.D. habit of contemplating the different events of my own demise! And praying for Nanotechnology to get cranking. Thinking of ones mortality is not a bad thing, but when you start thinking, and the wheels don't stop, one dosnt sleep, and when I don't sleep, I get paranoid to the point that I fall asleep out of pure exhaustion.
Now, I would take Nightquil for this, but its like doing drugs, and my dreams became horrible tapestries of pale men with no lips and eyelids standing over my bed and just breathing on me before they scamper back into my closet (this actually happened to me one night. I awoke to see what looked like foot prints walking over my dirty cloths on the floor and the cloths in my closet sway as if something parted them!)
I've been told I have a creative mind... I think I have an active mind, but creativity is a bit of s stretch sometimes.
So now, I sleep with the radio on high, and the fan on full blast even if its freezing. Noise is good! Noise keeps the darkies away! (Darkies soon to be a film when I pull some sort of miracle out of my ass)
Im not sure were I was going with this....
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Fat on Fat thinking....
There is something wrong with this country.
The other day, I was at Souplantation with a friend. As I dipped my bread stick in Ranch Dressing for the umpteenth time, my head perked up like a raptor in the tall grass to what sounded like a group of chinchillas being sodomized with reeds. It was a table of women, all LARGE and IN CHARGE, and it was then I realized that there was no one under 250 pounds in this place to be seen.
I found it ironic that in Souplantation, a self proclaimed "healthy" eatery, is filled with nothing but Water buffalo and Dugongs. Yet, In and Out, a place that prides its self on its Double Double Hamburgers and Shakes, is filled with anorexic emo kids and modestly fit families.
Its as if Bizzaro world is starting to merge with our world, and people of its land are pushing mind altering drugs on us.
It was at this time that I pondered this question, as I sat in front of my salad pile, that had noodles, croutons, 3 kinds of oils and vinegars, beacon bits, cheese and FAT FREE honey mustard dressing that's shaped like the Devil's Tower from Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind. (and believe me, the fact that my last name is EATON and Im grossly overweight is not lost on me)What the fuck? How could this be. It must be the same reaction when people learn that there was a serial killer living next door to them for years and always thought that strange smell was just his compost pile in the back because the guy is ECO FRIENDLY.
My friend then pointed out that this place is still a BUFFET style restaurant. Meaning all you can eat, as he pointed to the stack of bread sticks on my plate. Because it has its "HEALTHY STATUS", everyone here eats more than Swine at their troughs, and super load on the inhuman amount of carbs that are included in said meal. Meanwhile, everyone who eats at In and Out, well, are health nuts getting a quick fix of junk food so they don't go completely insane, before they go mountain biking or, if they're emo scene kids, go cut themselves in self pity.
It put a damper on the place. Noting that most of the crowd there that night were all rocking sweat pants and tight fitting shirts. Something I would of expected at HOEMTOWN BUFFET, but not here.
It just made me realize that, A) I need to pay attention more B) we're mostly fucked as a race.
Considering my weight issues, I thought long and hard about my eating habits. Then, I went back to dunking my cheesy bread stick into a vat of home style ranch dressing.
My gym pass will get proper use one of these days...
The other day, I was at Souplantation with a friend. As I dipped my bread stick in Ranch Dressing for the umpteenth time, my head perked up like a raptor in the tall grass to what sounded like a group of chinchillas being sodomized with reeds. It was a table of women, all LARGE and IN CHARGE, and it was then I realized that there was no one under 250 pounds in this place to be seen.
I found it ironic that in Souplantation, a self proclaimed "healthy" eatery, is filled with nothing but Water buffalo and Dugongs. Yet, In and Out, a place that prides its self on its Double Double Hamburgers and Shakes, is filled with anorexic emo kids and modestly fit families.
Its as if Bizzaro world is starting to merge with our world, and people of its land are pushing mind altering drugs on us.
It was at this time that I pondered this question, as I sat in front of my salad pile, that had noodles, croutons, 3 kinds of oils and vinegars, beacon bits, cheese and FAT FREE honey mustard dressing that's shaped like the Devil's Tower from Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind. (and believe me, the fact that my last name is EATON and Im grossly overweight is not lost on me)What the fuck? How could this be. It must be the same reaction when people learn that there was a serial killer living next door to them for years and always thought that strange smell was just his compost pile in the back because the guy is ECO FRIENDLY.
My friend then pointed out that this place is still a BUFFET style restaurant. Meaning all you can eat, as he pointed to the stack of bread sticks on my plate. Because it has its "HEALTHY STATUS", everyone here eats more than Swine at their troughs, and super load on the inhuman amount of carbs that are included in said meal. Meanwhile, everyone who eats at In and Out, well, are health nuts getting a quick fix of junk food so they don't go completely insane, before they go mountain biking or, if they're emo scene kids, go cut themselves in self pity.
It put a damper on the place. Noting that most of the crowd there that night were all rocking sweat pants and tight fitting shirts. Something I would of expected at HOEMTOWN BUFFET, but not here.
It just made me realize that, A) I need to pay attention more B) we're mostly fucked as a race.
Considering my weight issues, I thought long and hard about my eating habits. Then, I went back to dunking my cheesy bread stick into a vat of home style ranch dressing.
My gym pass will get proper use one of these days...
Monday, April 20, 2009
BEST THING I"VE SEEN TODAY!
This picture...
of Weird Al in Rob Zombies Halloween 2.........
Al and Malcolm McDowel. Finally.. there is peace in the world.
of Weird Al in Rob Zombies Halloween 2.........
Al and Malcolm McDowel. Finally.. there is peace in the world.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My taste in films.. AKA another top 10 list
I started writing this earlier, but my computer froze. I'm getting ready to crack into a potential blockbuster script, so I want to crank this out before I forget and slowly go nuts over not posting it.
Figuring that I will rant about movies on here, I felt it only fair to give an idea about some of my personal taste. These are films that I hold near and dear and watch a hell of a lot (sans one) So in the act of shameless self promotion.. I give you my top 10 list of my all time favorite films.
10.
Its a Wonderful Life
I will openly admit to 2 things with this film. 1. I only watch it once a year. 2. I weep like a sappy little bitch at the end of it. But, unlike many tearjerkers, THIS FILM EARNS ITS WEEP! I tell people that hate this movie to get in line behind the serial killers and rapist because they're getting into heaven first because you hate this film. Any decent person can see what a masterpiece this film is! Ray Charles said so!
9.
Chasing Amy
Kevin Smiths Finest film. A man who I hold in high regard because he's the guy that made it. He was the fat nerd that turned his passion into a profitable career. (some thing that mirrors my life) And Chasing Amy shows the mans chops as a writer. Brilliant characters were crafted and created in this film. While not the most visually pleasing film, its gives you much more in its dialog.
8.
Big Trouble in Little China
I was baptised in this film. From the tender age of 5 till I could remember, this film has been in my life. My dad showed it to me when I was 5 and over the years, it was constantly repeated on local afternoon tv. My man love for Kurt Russel stems from this film, and while many people site THE THING as John Carpenters best film, I hold this as the crown Jewel of his works. It was way ahead of its time, and threes and insane brilliance in a trucker, fighting mythical china men just to get his truck back. I named my Honda accord, my first car, the Pork chop express (and it wasn't just a play on my fat boy stance)
7.
Battle Royale.
If Big Trouble represents my love of wackiness, Battle Royale represents my love of Hardcore violence and political satire. Just about everyone my age loves this film (hell, I showed it to them) and anyone over 30 seems to hate it. I think its because its a product of its time, but as a bit of a loner in High school, when this came out, this film kinda spoke a message to me. And I think it said something when I get a kick out of watching kids forced to kill each other in the name of entertainment.. therapy will probably be needed one day...
6.
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla
Godzilla as a whole is an integral part of my life. Its what I was raised on. Its part of my DNA. My love of dinosaurs as a child hooked me like a crackhead to godzilla and since then, my parents and I have unloaded thousands of dollars into my collection. And, yet I own all 28 films, the 1974 Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla is my all time fav. Its got a weird grindhouse quality to it that no other godzilla film as. Space apes, INTERPOL agents, Mythical Protector gods, and a Robot Double of Godzilla all duke it out to a funky sound track. A rare film that has never seen another quite like it.
5.
The Royal Tenenbaums
Wes Anderson is like a golden brush sent by god, and Royal Tenenbaums was painted as his masterpiece. This is one of 3 films that make me feel good when I'm down, even with the irony in that statement that one could say that the ending is some what of a downer. One could also argue that the talent on screen was used to a far greater extent than any of the Ocean films..
4.
Back to the Future.
Personally, I hold this as the most perfect film ever shot. A movie that no matter what part I come into, I have to sit and finish it. Immortality was achieved in this film. And I look forward to 2015 when everything is flying and a giant hologram.
3.
Ghostbusters.
If godzilla is part of my genetic make up, Ghostbusters was the other side of the helix in my DNA strand. Made in the year of my birth, I feel a kin ship with this film. The only actors I knew by name as a child were Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Raimis and Ernie Hudson. I knew Proto Pack, I knew Ectoplasm, I knew"no living person could stack books this high" and I got smacked for repeating "WE CAME, WE SAW, WE KICKED ITS ASS" at the tender age of 6 by my mother for using the word ASS. I had a proton pack and a trap set and my brother and cousins would play for hours in our backyard. I was Ray. But this film, after 25 years, holds up greater than many comedies.
2.
Versus.
My love of GORE, FIGHTING, BATSHIT INSANITY was brought to life by Ryuhei Kitamura. I had doubts about making movies when I was younger, but when I laid eyes on this film, I knew that I wanted to do nothing more than make films. A low budget masterpiece that gripped my by my sack and got me motivated in life again.
1.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Johnny before Captain Jack, Benicio before, well, he was big. Terry Gulliams Masterpiece based on HUNTER S THOMPSONS epic book. Its not a film for everyone, and as person who doesn't do any sort of drug, its a strange film for my all time favorite according to some people. But I love it. I cant explain why, other than its fucking brilliant, and my most often quoted movie ever.
Those are the top films out of my 600 plus DVD library.. I have a wide range of stuff, but this, to me , is the creme del a creme.
Figuring that I will rant about movies on here, I felt it only fair to give an idea about some of my personal taste. These are films that I hold near and dear and watch a hell of a lot (sans one) So in the act of shameless self promotion.. I give you my top 10 list of my all time favorite films.
10.
Its a Wonderful Life
I will openly admit to 2 things with this film. 1. I only watch it once a year. 2. I weep like a sappy little bitch at the end of it. But, unlike many tearjerkers, THIS FILM EARNS ITS WEEP! I tell people that hate this movie to get in line behind the serial killers and rapist because they're getting into heaven first because you hate this film. Any decent person can see what a masterpiece this film is! Ray Charles said so!
9.
Chasing Amy
Kevin Smiths Finest film. A man who I hold in high regard because he's the guy that made it. He was the fat nerd that turned his passion into a profitable career. (some thing that mirrors my life) And Chasing Amy shows the mans chops as a writer. Brilliant characters were crafted and created in this film. While not the most visually pleasing film, its gives you much more in its dialog.
8.
Big Trouble in Little China
I was baptised in this film. From the tender age of 5 till I could remember, this film has been in my life. My dad showed it to me when I was 5 and over the years, it was constantly repeated on local afternoon tv. My man love for Kurt Russel stems from this film, and while many people site THE THING as John Carpenters best film, I hold this as the crown Jewel of his works. It was way ahead of its time, and threes and insane brilliance in a trucker, fighting mythical china men just to get his truck back. I named my Honda accord, my first car, the Pork chop express (and it wasn't just a play on my fat boy stance)
7.
Battle Royale.
If Big Trouble represents my love of wackiness, Battle Royale represents my love of Hardcore violence and political satire. Just about everyone my age loves this film (hell, I showed it to them) and anyone over 30 seems to hate it. I think its because its a product of its time, but as a bit of a loner in High school, when this came out, this film kinda spoke a message to me. And I think it said something when I get a kick out of watching kids forced to kill each other in the name of entertainment.. therapy will probably be needed one day...
6.
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla
Godzilla as a whole is an integral part of my life. Its what I was raised on. Its part of my DNA. My love of dinosaurs as a child hooked me like a crackhead to godzilla and since then, my parents and I have unloaded thousands of dollars into my collection. And, yet I own all 28 films, the 1974 Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla is my all time fav. Its got a weird grindhouse quality to it that no other godzilla film as. Space apes, INTERPOL agents, Mythical Protector gods, and a Robot Double of Godzilla all duke it out to a funky sound track. A rare film that has never seen another quite like it.
5.
The Royal Tenenbaums
Wes Anderson is like a golden brush sent by god, and Royal Tenenbaums was painted as his masterpiece. This is one of 3 films that make me feel good when I'm down, even with the irony in that statement that one could say that the ending is some what of a downer. One could also argue that the talent on screen was used to a far greater extent than any of the Ocean films..
4.
Back to the Future.
Personally, I hold this as the most perfect film ever shot. A movie that no matter what part I come into, I have to sit and finish it. Immortality was achieved in this film. And I look forward to 2015 when everything is flying and a giant hologram.
3.
Ghostbusters.
If godzilla is part of my genetic make up, Ghostbusters was the other side of the helix in my DNA strand. Made in the year of my birth, I feel a kin ship with this film. The only actors I knew by name as a child were Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Raimis and Ernie Hudson. I knew Proto Pack, I knew Ectoplasm, I knew"no living person could stack books this high" and I got smacked for repeating "WE CAME, WE SAW, WE KICKED ITS ASS" at the tender age of 6 by my mother for using the word ASS. I had a proton pack and a trap set and my brother and cousins would play for hours in our backyard. I was Ray. But this film, after 25 years, holds up greater than many comedies.
2.
Versus.
My love of GORE, FIGHTING, BATSHIT INSANITY was brought to life by Ryuhei Kitamura. I had doubts about making movies when I was younger, but when I laid eyes on this film, I knew that I wanted to do nothing more than make films. A low budget masterpiece that gripped my by my sack and got me motivated in life again.
1.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Johnny before Captain Jack, Benicio before, well, he was big. Terry Gulliams Masterpiece based on HUNTER S THOMPSONS epic book. Its not a film for everyone, and as person who doesn't do any sort of drug, its a strange film for my all time favorite according to some people. But I love it. I cant explain why, other than its fucking brilliant, and my most often quoted movie ever.
Those are the top films out of my 600 plus DVD library.. I have a wide range of stuff, but this, to me , is the creme del a creme.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Adventures in Great Deals
I'm constantly mocked by my friends for my shopping habits. My one close friend refuse to go to the mall with me because, as he puts it, "YOU SHOP LIKE A FUCKING WOMAN". I wouldn't go as far as that, but I do take my time. I will tend to rummage through every DVD bin, every book shelf, and every rack with a fine tooth comb. I do this because I have a nagging sense in the back of my head when I shop, especially at specialty stores, that I'll miss something for a deal. Think of it like a itch that has to be scratch, or I have some Jew in me that needs to be stroked. Either way, I can count the numerous times that I've found something rare, or hard to find or was insanely cheap.
And last week, was one of those times.
I was dropping off a tshirt order for my brother at this collectors show I frequent. Its like a Mexican indoor mall, except its filled with comic books and hardly any Mexicans. I've dropped a lot of dime at this place, and with my recent Tax Return, I had money to burn, but I didn't want to.
I decided that I'd check my DVD guy to see if he got Ong Bak 2 in. Turns out he did. Not only that, but he pitched me about 15 other titles and I ended up buckling and buying a few extras that I really shouldn't have. I then had that moment were the little Devil and Angel pop on to my shoulders and give me the pros and cons of spending, and in the end, the Devil ended up kicking the Angel in the nuts and won out.
After that, it was like the Tasmanian Devil was on the loose. I hit ever single booth and dropped close to $80 bucks. After grabbing some back issues and a few figures, I stopped myself from going any further. Feeling that I should leave before I spend more, I headed for the exit.
Fortunately, I did so with impeccable timing.
There was one last booth I hadn't checked, and I was thinking about picking up the Trade PB of BUFFY, since I had to stop picking up the single issues when I moved out. Scanning the table, I see a white book.. I knew instantly what it was..
The Drew Struzan Oeuver.
A book that I have been hunting down for a while.
I've been a huge fan of Struzan for years. He defined Movie Posters, and managed to do in brush strokes what assholes on Photoshop only dream that they could do!
and for those of you who don't know who the fuck Drew Struzan is, hes done just about every movie poster for any movie that mattered.
Basically, if George Lucas or Spielberg put it out, he did it.
Now, normally, this book runs over $60 bucks. I spied the sticker, and it had a 20, just 20 written on it. It was a note pad sticky too, so I had to double check as that didn't sound right. I questioned the merchant and this is how the exchange of words went down:
ME: "hey, how much is the Struzan book?"
MERCHANT: "Oh, that's 20 bucks"
ME: (I crap myself)
MERCHANT: cont'"Yeah that book..."
ME: pulling cash out "Just stop right there, Don't need to finish your sentence"
I handed the man $20 bucks and he handed me the book. At that moment, I felt as I got away with murder.. This is what OJ must of felt that fate full night!
After I got home, I spent the following 5 hours pouring over page after page in this 208 page book. Every detail I absorbed with great glee. The topper, the fucker was only $20 bucks!
No amount of Heroin or E in the world could give me the same high I got off this thing.
When life goes right, its real nice...
By the way, later that night, I called my friend and told him to suck it.
And last week, was one of those times.
I was dropping off a tshirt order for my brother at this collectors show I frequent. Its like a Mexican indoor mall, except its filled with comic books and hardly any Mexicans. I've dropped a lot of dime at this place, and with my recent Tax Return, I had money to burn, but I didn't want to.
I decided that I'd check my DVD guy to see if he got Ong Bak 2 in. Turns out he did. Not only that, but he pitched me about 15 other titles and I ended up buckling and buying a few extras that I really shouldn't have. I then had that moment were the little Devil and Angel pop on to my shoulders and give me the pros and cons of spending, and in the end, the Devil ended up kicking the Angel in the nuts and won out.
After that, it was like the Tasmanian Devil was on the loose. I hit ever single booth and dropped close to $80 bucks. After grabbing some back issues and a few figures, I stopped myself from going any further. Feeling that I should leave before I spend more, I headed for the exit.
Fortunately, I did so with impeccable timing.
There was one last booth I hadn't checked, and I was thinking about picking up the Trade PB of BUFFY, since I had to stop picking up the single issues when I moved out. Scanning the table, I see a white book.. I knew instantly what it was..
The Drew Struzan Oeuver.
A book that I have been hunting down for a while.
I've been a huge fan of Struzan for years. He defined Movie Posters, and managed to do in brush strokes what assholes on Photoshop only dream that they could do!
and for those of you who don't know who the fuck Drew Struzan is, hes done just about every movie poster for any movie that mattered.
Basically, if George Lucas or Spielberg put it out, he did it.
Now, normally, this book runs over $60 bucks. I spied the sticker, and it had a 20, just 20 written on it. It was a note pad sticky too, so I had to double check as that didn't sound right. I questioned the merchant and this is how the exchange of words went down:
ME: "hey, how much is the Struzan book?"
MERCHANT: "Oh, that's 20 bucks"
ME: (I crap myself)
MERCHANT: cont'"Yeah that book..."
ME: pulling cash out "Just stop right there, Don't need to finish your sentence"
I handed the man $20 bucks and he handed me the book. At that moment, I felt as I got away with murder.. This is what OJ must of felt that fate full night!
After I got home, I spent the following 5 hours pouring over page after page in this 208 page book. Every detail I absorbed with great glee. The topper, the fucker was only $20 bucks!
No amount of Heroin or E in the world could give me the same high I got off this thing.
When life goes right, its real nice...
By the way, later that night, I called my friend and told him to suck it.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Fast and Furious with Grandma..
Sometimes, I still manage to shock people with out saying something vulgar..(btw, the uncomfortable phrase of the day: Little boy pee pee.. ) and apparently, I did it by just going to see FAST AND FURIOUS..with my 80 year old grandmother.
See, my grandparents have reached, in the words of my brash, piss filled grandfather, their DEATH YEARS. My grandfather has had 3 knee and hip operations in the last 7 years, and is a man who prefers to work. Think Clint Eastwood in GRAN TORINO, sans beer drinking and Asian side kick. He's set in his ways and likes the calm sensible life. My grandmother on the other hand, has been in every major club, counsel, and associated party in the city of Cypress since 1970. She LOVES social scenes, and is a large enthusiast for Hotel Lobbies and parties. She enjoys going to the movies, and since she can be a bit..kooky, I'm the only one in the family that's willing to go with her. Which is fine with her.
I'm the first born Grandchild in my family, and apparently the greatest thing to happen to it since my uncle was born. I'm the golden child and favorite out of the other 6 grandchildren.
Horrible picture of me, but you get the idea...
Well, last month, my roommate decided to take a job in Texas, so off he went, leaving me with out a place to properly live. My grandmother told me to move in, and now I have whats basically a massive upstairs loft to call my place of slumber. I'm not paying rent, and I'm getting caught up in my bills. Naturally, that means when ever I got some free time, it goes to my grandmother. And she usually wants to go to the movies or have me drive her to Walmart or something. But I cant complain with the situation I'm in, and that I do realize that she's just as human as the rest of us and wont be around forever (her dream is to see me married and have some kids before she dies.. not make it big.. she says she doesn't ask for much)
Well, that leads me back to the point of this story.
Last Saturday, I didn't work, so I told her I would take her to the movies. There's a small theater down the street from us that she likes to go to because they're cheap and the chairs lean back. The place only had 4 movies showing. Monsters v Aliens, Hanna Montana the movie, FF and Duplicity. After me explaining to her that Hanna Montana is the cinematic equivalent of a chimp throwing poo at a sad clown, and Monsters vs Aliens is a cartoon, she opted for the movie with Julia Roberts....UGH.
I have a strong dislike for Julia Roberts in 98% of the stuff shes in. The only thing I could ever stand her in was Hook!
The pressure of seeing Duplicity hit me like Diarrhea. With quick thinking, I offered a counter: How about FAST AND FURIOUS?
Not knowing what that was I told her it had a lot of car chases and had Vin Diesel. She didn't know who Vin was, and I popped open the paper to show her the ad. Seeing a well built bald man with a hunky blond quickly convinced her that it would be in our best interest to see said film.
We make a 2 pm showing, and sit down. After the opening sequence of the robbery of a gas truck, and a muscle car driving under a rolling, EXPLODING, gas tanker, I thought she was about to have a heart attack. But the movie calmed down a bit to catch her breath and start asking me 20 questions about what was going on.
Now, it was here, that I realized something. By the time you get to be a person of my grandmothers age, its like going through childhood all over again. To most people like my self, FAST AND FURIOUS is a cool but UN eventful film. To my grandmother, it was like watching the first movie in COLOR!
She was astonished at every race scene, every time two guys got in a fight, EVER TIME A NOS2 BOOSTER WAS USED! This very well might of been the second coming of Christ. She couldn't believe that such things could be done in a movie, and this is a woman I've shown A LOT OF FILMS TO, many more off the wall than FF. But she's older, and her memory isn't as well as it could be, and its helpful when she wants to watch a movie again.
After the lights went up, I drove us home to go eat and it was like having a 5 year old sitting next to me as she asked questions and astonished at the stunts that they used in the movie. It was kinda heartwarming. Had I gone and scene with with my friends, we would be bitching and dissecting every thing about this film and ultimately, ruined any fun we would have had with it. With my grandmother though, it was a day she still talks about almost a week later.
It just reaffirmed my love of movies. And it sharpened my knife for really bad movies. I never liked the first 2 fast and furious films, but since they started going down this off the wall bat shit style, I've grown to appreciate them a bit more.
To enjoy a movie, even if it isn't perfect!
I pray to almighty Thor that when I'm that age, that I'm not exactly brain dead, but have just a slight memory loss, so that I might enjoy life in the same light my grandmother dose!
See, my grandparents have reached, in the words of my brash, piss filled grandfather, their DEATH YEARS. My grandfather has had 3 knee and hip operations in the last 7 years, and is a man who prefers to work. Think Clint Eastwood in GRAN TORINO, sans beer drinking and Asian side kick. He's set in his ways and likes the calm sensible life. My grandmother on the other hand, has been in every major club, counsel, and associated party in the city of Cypress since 1970. She LOVES social scenes, and is a large enthusiast for Hotel Lobbies and parties. She enjoys going to the movies, and since she can be a bit..kooky, I'm the only one in the family that's willing to go with her. Which is fine with her.
I'm the first born Grandchild in my family, and apparently the greatest thing to happen to it since my uncle was born. I'm the golden child and favorite out of the other 6 grandchildren.
Horrible picture of me, but you get the idea...
Well, last month, my roommate decided to take a job in Texas, so off he went, leaving me with out a place to properly live. My grandmother told me to move in, and now I have whats basically a massive upstairs loft to call my place of slumber. I'm not paying rent, and I'm getting caught up in my bills. Naturally, that means when ever I got some free time, it goes to my grandmother. And she usually wants to go to the movies or have me drive her to Walmart or something. But I cant complain with the situation I'm in, and that I do realize that she's just as human as the rest of us and wont be around forever (her dream is to see me married and have some kids before she dies.. not make it big.. she says she doesn't ask for much)
Well, that leads me back to the point of this story.
Last Saturday, I didn't work, so I told her I would take her to the movies. There's a small theater down the street from us that she likes to go to because they're cheap and the chairs lean back. The place only had 4 movies showing. Monsters v Aliens, Hanna Montana the movie, FF and Duplicity. After me explaining to her that Hanna Montana is the cinematic equivalent of a chimp throwing poo at a sad clown, and Monsters vs Aliens is a cartoon, she opted for the movie with Julia Roberts....UGH.
I have a strong dislike for Julia Roberts in 98% of the stuff shes in. The only thing I could ever stand her in was Hook!
The pressure of seeing Duplicity hit me like Diarrhea. With quick thinking, I offered a counter: How about FAST AND FURIOUS?
Not knowing what that was I told her it had a lot of car chases and had Vin Diesel. She didn't know who Vin was, and I popped open the paper to show her the ad. Seeing a well built bald man with a hunky blond quickly convinced her that it would be in our best interest to see said film.
We make a 2 pm showing, and sit down. After the opening sequence of the robbery of a gas truck, and a muscle car driving under a rolling, EXPLODING, gas tanker, I thought she was about to have a heart attack. But the movie calmed down a bit to catch her breath and start asking me 20 questions about what was going on.
Now, it was here, that I realized something. By the time you get to be a person of my grandmothers age, its like going through childhood all over again. To most people like my self, FAST AND FURIOUS is a cool but UN eventful film. To my grandmother, it was like watching the first movie in COLOR!
She was astonished at every race scene, every time two guys got in a fight, EVER TIME A NOS2 BOOSTER WAS USED! This very well might of been the second coming of Christ. She couldn't believe that such things could be done in a movie, and this is a woman I've shown A LOT OF FILMS TO, many more off the wall than FF. But she's older, and her memory isn't as well as it could be, and its helpful when she wants to watch a movie again.
After the lights went up, I drove us home to go eat and it was like having a 5 year old sitting next to me as she asked questions and astonished at the stunts that they used in the movie. It was kinda heartwarming. Had I gone and scene with with my friends, we would be bitching and dissecting every thing about this film and ultimately, ruined any fun we would have had with it. With my grandmother though, it was a day she still talks about almost a week later.
It just reaffirmed my love of movies. And it sharpened my knife for really bad movies. I never liked the first 2 fast and furious films, but since they started going down this off the wall bat shit style, I've grown to appreciate them a bit more.
To enjoy a movie, even if it isn't perfect!
I pray to almighty Thor that when I'm that age, that I'm not exactly brain dead, but have just a slight memory loss, so that I might enjoy life in the same light my grandmother dose!
Old rants
Heres some old stuff, but not that old:
Current mood:
savage
As I had sat and typed out my Birthday wish list blog, my mother has the BACHELOR blaring in the background.00
Now I love my mother very much, but I question her intelligence some times when she religiously watches shows like this and ROCK OF LOVE with BRENT MICHAEL S.
While trying to ignore it, she cranks the volume up because the woman upstairs is currently wrestling both a Bear and a Water Buffalo. And I think that the Water Buffalo is currently winning.
Now, the sound of some broad, who is a YEAR FUCK YOUNGER THAN I AM, is putting on some fucking High school monologue bullshit, in saying that she's falling in love with some dude who she's been competing with 10 other whores to win the grand prize of... wait for it.. MARRIAGE! And all of this over the course of 6 week in front of a fucking camera crew..
Just listening to this horseshit has made me want to stab my ear with a Q Tip doused in karosien and chili powder and lit on fire only to seal the open wound that would be left of my ear so i wont commit full on suicide.
The mere fact that this show is in its something around 12 fuck season (in the 8 years or so its been on.. get that?) and that its a highly rated show makes me wish that 2012 will speed up and end this madness!
I watch Pro Wrestling, and it is a far more respectable product than THE FUCKING BACHELOR!
I pray to Crom that the people who produce this skid mark stain of a show get rectal herpes with a light sprinkling of AIDS on top of it. I don't want them to die, I just want them to suffer as I have in the last 30 minute of listening to what could only be the equivalent to a baby chimpanzee getting a circumcision with a rusty spoon and lemon juice to treat the wound!
Oh, and I would also with the contestants on this show that are trying to win Marriage to a dude that's WAY older than them, and has a FUCKING KID, a healthy kick in the cunt and that they would go back to sucking dick and snorting coke off a bike lock key in the back of some seedy fuck club in west Hollywood and leave the rest of us to our sanity.
AND Part 2:
Current mood:
annoyed
Well, as I sit and watch podcasts download into my ZUNE (FUCK YOU IPOD!) My mother is watching the final to THE BACHELOR!
From what I've been listening too, the Bachelor (aka Unemployed actor looking for cold cash in the weak economy) had proposed to dumb bitch #1, even though he had feelings still for dumb bitch #2. Well, at the wrap up show, Bachelor tells Dumb bitch #1 that he's un-engaging her!!!!! She gets pissy and tells him that he's making a mistake.. and that Dumb Bitch #2 isnt right for him... She storms off like a cunt and in tears while the Bachelor is sobbing like a little bitch who got his wowwy pop taken from him. He then turns around, and asks Dumb Bitch #2 to marry him and YAY, everybody happy!
After I wiped the blood from my forehead from bashing it into the china hutch/ make shift desk that holds this stern computer, I collect myself and ponder what kind of a world we live in were gays cant get married, yet its a PRIZE, A FUCKING PRIZE for two people who act as if they are in fucking 7th GRADE yet one is in his late 30's and the other can barley order a drink at a bar. This is a good example of why our priorities fucked up in the godforsaken country! This show has been on for..hold it...13 fucking seasons since 2002
THIS DOSE NOT MAKE SENSE!!!!!!
All this show proves is that Women (the majority) are evil fucking creations willing to fuck each other over for the prize.. be it a man or a nickle laying on the floor.. in some chewed gum.. and that Men are push over idiots for women mostly because getting one's dick wet is more important than anything else in the world. And in doing so, making us into mindless slaves to be pushed around by Pussy. Combined that with shitting on the apparent "sacred bond of marriage" and cash, these people are nothing more than swine fucking whores!
These whores and dude whores are vying for air time for what lame ass 15 minutes of fame, and THE AMERICAN PUBLIC EATS THIS SHIT UP! As told by this ratings average "Solid ratings throughout the twelve completed seasons have resulted from an average audience of nearly 10 million viewers"
America if FUCKED UP! And the kicker:
"As of the end of season 13, none of the 13 bachelors has married the
woman to whom he presented the final rose (and one did not present a
final rose at all)."
Jesus fucking Christ.. we're all doomed.
Im going to go crack a bottle of Jameson and sleep my woes away..
I leave you with this image of how I can basically sum up the world right now...
Current mood:
savage As I had sat and typed out my Birthday wish list blog, my mother has the BACHELOR blaring in the background.00
Now I love my mother very much, but I question her intelligence some times when she religiously watches shows like this and ROCK OF LOVE with BRENT MICHAEL S.
While trying to ignore it, she cranks the volume up because the woman upstairs is currently wrestling both a Bear and a Water Buffalo. And I think that the Water Buffalo is currently winning.
Now, the sound of some broad, who is a YEAR FUCK YOUNGER THAN I AM, is putting on some fucking High school monologue bullshit, in saying that she's falling in love with some dude who she's been competing with 10 other whores to win the grand prize of... wait for it.. MARRIAGE! And all of this over the course of 6 week in front of a fucking camera crew..
Just listening to this horseshit has made me want to stab my ear with a Q Tip doused in karosien and chili powder and lit on fire only to seal the open wound that would be left of my ear so i wont commit full on suicide.
The mere fact that this show is in its something around 12 fuck season (in the 8 years or so its been on.. get that?) and that its a highly rated show makes me wish that 2012 will speed up and end this madness!
I watch Pro Wrestling, and it is a far more respectable product than THE FUCKING BACHELOR!
I pray to Crom that the people who produce this skid mark stain of a show get rectal herpes with a light sprinkling of AIDS on top of it. I don't want them to die, I just want them to suffer as I have in the last 30 minute of listening to what could only be the equivalent to a baby chimpanzee getting a circumcision with a rusty spoon and lemon juice to treat the wound!
Oh, and I would also with the contestants on this show that are trying to win Marriage to a dude that's WAY older than them, and has a FUCKING KID, a healthy kick in the cunt and that they would go back to sucking dick and snorting coke off a bike lock key in the back of some seedy fuck club in west Hollywood and leave the rest of us to our sanity.
AND Part 2:
Current mood:
annoyed Well, as I sit and watch podcasts download into my ZUNE (FUCK YOU IPOD!) My mother is watching the final to THE BACHELOR!
From what I've been listening too, the Bachelor (aka Unemployed actor looking for cold cash in the weak economy) had proposed to dumb bitch #1, even though he had feelings still for dumb bitch #2. Well, at the wrap up show, Bachelor tells Dumb bitch #1 that he's un-engaging her!!!!! She gets pissy and tells him that he's making a mistake.. and that Dumb Bitch #2 isnt right for him... She storms off like a cunt and in tears while the Bachelor is sobbing like a little bitch who got his wowwy pop taken from him. He then turns around, and asks Dumb Bitch #2 to marry him and YAY, everybody happy!
After I wiped the blood from my forehead from bashing it into the china hutch/ make shift desk that holds this stern computer, I collect myself and ponder what kind of a world we live in were gays cant get married, yet its a PRIZE, A FUCKING PRIZE for two people who act as if they are in fucking 7th GRADE yet one is in his late 30's and the other can barley order a drink at a bar. This is a good example of why our priorities fucked up in the godforsaken country! This show has been on for..hold it...13 fucking seasons since 2002
THIS DOSE NOT MAKE SENSE!!!!!!
All this show proves is that Women (the majority) are evil fucking creations willing to fuck each other over for the prize.. be it a man or a nickle laying on the floor.. in some chewed gum.. and that Men are push over idiots for women mostly because getting one's dick wet is more important than anything else in the world. And in doing so, making us into mindless slaves to be pushed around by Pussy. Combined that with shitting on the apparent "sacred bond of marriage" and cash, these people are nothing more than swine fucking whores!
These whores and dude whores are vying for air time for what lame ass 15 minutes of fame, and THE AMERICAN PUBLIC EATS THIS SHIT UP! As told by this ratings average "Solid ratings throughout the twelve completed seasons have resulted from an average audience of nearly 10 million viewers"
America if FUCKED UP! And the kicker:
"As of the end of season 13, none of the 13 bachelors has married the
woman to whom he presented the final rose (and one did not present a
final rose at all)."
Jesus fucking Christ.. we're all doomed.
Im going to go crack a bottle of Jameson and sleep my woes away..
I leave you with this image of how I can basically sum up the world right now...
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