I believe that it was Hunter S Thompson that said we live in a savage world. I have to agree with him.
Mear moments before I sat down to hammer out some sort of nonsensical rambling, my neighbor knocked on our door and asked us if we had used the laundry room. My mother and I told him no, and asked why. Usually its because someone left their cloths inside one of the machines or something of that matter. Well, it wasn't that. The query was because when our neighbor walked into the laundry room, it smelled. Real bad. It wasn't mildew either. Upon inspection, the culprit was found.
Some one dropped a deuce in the garbage can.
He quickly disposed of it and that's where we come in with him knocking at my door.
I'll admit, I chuckled a bit. Shit is funny. The fact that used food matter combined with colon lined bacteria that emits an odor of death to be used in horrible ways has entertained mankind since the dawn of time.
My brother has an extensive photo collection of the alphabet.. I'll leave it at that.
Though, it dose remind me of an experience I had at work, one that pushed me like a desperate mother pushes her bastard child in front of a bus, into the person I am today.
When I was working a the Family Twin Cinema, I was a one man army. I did everything>. And I'm not tooting my own horn.. I literally did everything. I was like a Mexican migrant worker at this place.
Now, this place wasn't big. There was the lobby, and two theaters. The lobby was the size of a small apartment, so I could see everyone coming in and out during the movies. Well, this one day, a man who looked like he told death that he'd be back home in an hour shuffled out of the theater doors. I was behind the counter, not working, and watched as this guy took 3 minutes to walk across the 15 feet of floor to the bathroom. He went in and I went back to reading my stack of comic books I smuggled in while the boss was sleeping in the other theater.
About 35 minutes went by, and I finished all 12 books I had picked up that day (I bought everything at this time of my life..even Teen Titans GO!) I decided to actually do some work, and started cleaning up around the place. I grabbed my nifty spray bottle and sauntered into the men's bathroom. I cracked open the door and beheld a sight that could not be unseen.
There, standing at the sink, was the old guy, bare ass. He didn't see me and I saw everything I didn't want to see (so many spots) and walked right out. I figured the guy was a bit soft in the head and put an out of order sign on the door to give the guy some time to put his pants back on.
25 minutes rolls by and he finally walks out. It was at this time that my boss finally came back out to the front and I point at him that the old guy walking back into the theater had his pants off in the bathroom. We both laughed and thought it was funny and I walked into the bathroom to clean it.
The second that door swung open.. my spidey senses started tingling. Something was amiss. I opened the door to the first stall, and it was like a moment out of a movie, when the hero comes upon a crime scene, and his eyes bulge out and his head moves like a cat following a flash light on the wall. Word's failed me.
The stall looked like a bear had eaten one to many tacos, and couldn't hold it. There was shit EVERY WERE! Not just on the toilet, but the stall, the toilet paper holder, the floor. Oh, the floor. When my eyes were adverted downwards, I noticed the mass of shit on the floor, but that wasn't all. I noticed that it moved like a trail of ants, all the way to the sink....
Walking over to the sink, it was Destroyed! Just nibblits of shit everywhere. Apparently, when I walked in on the old fuck, he was cleaning his pants off. I know this because he threw away his boxers in the paper towel trash can. I swear, infants are cleaner than this fuck was.
I walked outside to get some air, and called my boss over. I couldn't be the only witness to this. He came over and I told him to walk inside, not telling him what lied beyond. He took two steps in, I heard a gag, and he walked out, put his hand on my should and said.."GOOD LUCK"
I mumbled a racial slure in anger (but the dude was white, so it dint matter) and grabbed 3 bottles of bleach and 2 mops. Over the next half hour, and I was rushing as people would start coming in for the next showings very soon, I scrapped and mopped poop like a CSI cleaner. Just chunks and niblits of what this man ate in a redwood tree's worth of paper towels. Pants ruined from gallons of bleach being sloshed around. I think I got high, or brain damage, from the bleach fumes combined with the air freshener. When I was done, the place was cleaner than a hospital O.R.
As the movie ended, I sat complacently behind the counter, giving the old bastard the best stink eye I could> It went unnoticed..
From that day forward, my tolerance for people dropped by spades. For when you have to clean a grown mans shit out of a sink, you've seen the 1 ring of hell.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
Arrested Development...
So,I had what could be described as Panic or Anxiety attack last week.
I've been staring at WEBMD for the last few days, and wouldn't recommend doing that to anyone. For now I'm afraid that I might be suffering from the Bends and Ectopic Pregnancy. But, the whole thing kinda shook me. It was an attack that came out of nowhere, as I was driving home at 1 am from a friends house. Luckily, I had some one in the car with me in case it got too bad and I needed someone to take the wheel. This massive wave of paranoia and untimely death just rushed over me, and my heart went from calm to HOLY JESUS FUCK, and I felt like some one kicked me in the balls. I then began going through everything I hadn't done yet in life and needed to do. It was like the flashes that a person got in DARK CITY after they had new memories implanted in them. It just ended up printing out in my head like a massive to do list that never got done.
I never finished any but one screen play.
I never got to make a movie.
I hadn't seen the world yet.
Then it hit me that I had no love life to speak of. That kinda kept the thing flared up.
Thankfully, after a half hour, and getting my friend dropped off, the attack subsided. It was kind of an eye opener to how frustrated I am with my life at this moment. It's not that I'm not happy, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the good life I have compared to others. No, its the fact that I've made promises to myself, promises that are poorly kept. I get mad at myself for some of the stuff I do and don't do a lot. I don't realize that I'm wasting time some times, but then there are other times when I fully realize it, but don't do anything about it.
After consulting WEB MD some more, I think that I have symptoms of Adult HDADD:
10 Symptoms of Adult ADHD
Many people think of rowdy kids who can’t sit still when they think of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. But the fact is, symptoms of ADHD can linger into adulthood. In fact, many adults with ADHD aren’t aware they have it and don’t realize that many of the problems they face, including staying organized or being on time, are symptoms of adult ADHD.
What Causes Adult ADHD?
While experts don’t know for sure what causes ADHD, they believe genes may play an important part in who develops attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Environmental issues, such as exposure to cigarettes or alcohol while in the womb, may also play a role.
Unlike other psychiatric disorders, including anxiety and depression, ADHD can’t develop in the adult years. So symptoms must have been present since childhood for a diagnosis of adult ADHD to be made.
10 Adult ADHD Symptoms
The conventionally used diagnostic criteria for ADHD, including the most common symptoms, were developed based on how the condition shows itself in children.
These symptoms include forgetfulness and excessive daydreaming, as well as an inability to sit still, or constant fidgeting with objects.
Yet many experts think adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder symptoms manifest themselves differently and more subtly. This can make it difficult to recognize and diagnose adult ADHD.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 1: Problems Getting Organized
For people with ADHD, the increased responsibilities of adulthood -- bills, jobs, and children, to name a few -- can make problems with organization more obvious and more harmful than in childhood. While some ADHD symptoms are more annoying to other people than to the person with the condition, disorganization is often identified by adults struggling with ADHD as a major detractor from quality of life.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 2: Reckless Driving and Traffic Accidents
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder makes it hard to keep your attention on a task, so spending time behind the wheel of a car can be difficult. Because of this, ADHD can make some people more likely to speed, have traffic accidents, and lose their driver’s licenses.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 3: Marital Problems
Many people without ADHD have marital problems, of course, so a troubled marriage shouldn’t be seen as a red flag for adult ADHD. But there are some marriage problems that are particularly likely to affect the relationships of those with ADHD. Often, the partners of people with undiagnosed ADHD take poor listening skills and an inability to honor commitments as a sign that their partner doesn’t care. If you’re the person suffering from ADHD, you may not understand why you’re partner is upset, and you may feel you’re being nagged or blamed for something that’s not your fault.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 4: Extreme Distractibility
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a problem with attention regulation, so adult ADHD can make it difficult to succeed in today’s fast-paced, hustle-bustle world. Many people find that distractibility can lead to a history of career underperformance, especially in noisy or busy offices. If you have adult ADHD, you might find that phone calls or email derail your attention, making it hard for you to finish tasks.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 5: Poor Listening Skills
Do you zone out during long business meetings? Did your husband forget to pick up little Jimmy at baseball practice, even though you called to remind him on his way home? Problems with attention result in poor listening skills in many adults with ADHD, leading to a lot of missed appointments and misunderstandings.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 6: Restlessness, Problems Relaxing
While many children with ADHD are “hyperactive,” this ADHD symptom often appears differently in adults. Rather than bouncing off the walls, adults with ADHD are more likely to exhibit restlessness or find they can’t relax. If you have adult ADHD, others might describe you as edgy or tense.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 7: Problems Starting a Task
Just as children with ADHD often put off doing homework, people with adult ADHD often drag their feet when starting tasks that require a lot of attention. This procrastination often adds to existing problems, including marital disagreements, workplace issues, and problems with friends.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 8: Chronic Lateness
There are many reasons adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are usually late. First, they’re often distracted on the way to an event, maybe realizing the car needs to be washed, and then noticing they’re low on gas, and before they know it an hour has gone by. People with adult ADHD also tend to underestimate how much time it takes to finish a task, whether it’s a major assignment at work or a simple home repair.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 9: Angry Outbursts
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder often leads to problems controlling emotions. Many people with adult ADHD are quick to explode over minor issues. Often, the person with ADHD feels as if they have absolutely no control over their emotions. Many times, their anger fades as quickly as it flared, long before the people who dealt with the outburst have gotten over the incident.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 10: Prioritizing Issues
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can wreak havoc on planning, too. Often, people with adult ADHD mis-prioritize, failing to meet big obligations, like a deadline at work, while spending countless hours on something insignificant, such as getting a higher score on a video game.
Now, I don't suffer from Driving issues, or marital problems, but I more or less have a lot of these issues.
I think it might be hereditary. Cause my dad has some of these problems too, and he's got the failed marriage under his belt also. But I'm very self aware at the same time, while being overly paranoid (which I get from my mother) and that last Paragraph really nailed home a good problem that I know that I suffer from. I plan and plan, but never follow through properly, and I waste countless hours on the net doing next to nothing some times. Or I write, and when I write, I get frustrated that it's never as good as I think my writing should be.
It might also account for my non existent love life. But I chop that up to social awkwardness, weight, and my under par looks.
The kicker is that I know that I can do some of the stuff I set out to do. But I always find myself cutting it short or never finishing it. Its what a goldfish must feel like, that's probably why they're so content with sitting in a bowl sucking on fake pebbles all day.
All I know is that I'm 25. I made a promise to myself at the age of 16 after reading REBEL WITH OUT A CREW that I would be on my way to a career in film at this age. Instead, I'm no better off than I was in High school. With the years going by faster, I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to wake up one day, 48, and realized that I've done nothing with my life, and drown my sorrows at a buffet until my eventual death by Tidal Wave at the beach one night.
I think I'm going to lay off energy drinks for a bit..
I've been staring at WEBMD for the last few days, and wouldn't recommend doing that to anyone. For now I'm afraid that I might be suffering from the Bends and Ectopic Pregnancy. But, the whole thing kinda shook me. It was an attack that came out of nowhere, as I was driving home at 1 am from a friends house. Luckily, I had some one in the car with me in case it got too bad and I needed someone to take the wheel. This massive wave of paranoia and untimely death just rushed over me, and my heart went from calm to HOLY JESUS FUCK, and I felt like some one kicked me in the balls. I then began going through everything I hadn't done yet in life and needed to do. It was like the flashes that a person got in DARK CITY after they had new memories implanted in them. It just ended up printing out in my head like a massive to do list that never got done.
I never finished any but one screen play.
I never got to make a movie.
I hadn't seen the world yet.
Then it hit me that I had no love life to speak of. That kinda kept the thing flared up.
Thankfully, after a half hour, and getting my friend dropped off, the attack subsided. It was kind of an eye opener to how frustrated I am with my life at this moment. It's not that I'm not happy, don't get me wrong, I'm enjoying the good life I have compared to others. No, its the fact that I've made promises to myself, promises that are poorly kept. I get mad at myself for some of the stuff I do and don't do a lot. I don't realize that I'm wasting time some times, but then there are other times when I fully realize it, but don't do anything about it.
After consulting WEB MD some more, I think that I have symptoms of Adult HDADD:
10 Symptoms of Adult ADHD
Many people think of rowdy kids who can’t sit still when they think of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, or ADHD. But the fact is, symptoms of ADHD can linger into adulthood. In fact, many adults with ADHD aren’t aware they have it and don’t realize that many of the problems they face, including staying organized or being on time, are symptoms of adult ADHD.
What Causes Adult ADHD?
While experts don’t know for sure what causes ADHD, they believe genes may play an important part in who develops attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Environmental issues, such as exposure to cigarettes or alcohol while in the womb, may also play a role.
Unlike other psychiatric disorders, including anxiety and depression, ADHD can’t develop in the adult years. So symptoms must have been present since childhood for a diagnosis of adult ADHD to be made.
10 Adult ADHD Symptoms
The conventionally used diagnostic criteria for ADHD, including the most common symptoms, were developed based on how the condition shows itself in children.
These symptoms include forgetfulness and excessive daydreaming, as well as an inability to sit still, or constant fidgeting with objects.
Yet many experts think adult attention deficit hyperactivity disorder symptoms manifest themselves differently and more subtly. This can make it difficult to recognize and diagnose adult ADHD.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 1: Problems Getting Organized
For people with ADHD, the increased responsibilities of adulthood -- bills, jobs, and children, to name a few -- can make problems with organization more obvious and more harmful than in childhood. While some ADHD symptoms are more annoying to other people than to the person with the condition, disorganization is often identified by adults struggling with ADHD as a major detractor from quality of life.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 2: Reckless Driving and Traffic Accidents
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder makes it hard to keep your attention on a task, so spending time behind the wheel of a car can be difficult. Because of this, ADHD can make some people more likely to speed, have traffic accidents, and lose their driver’s licenses.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 3: Marital Problems
Many people without ADHD have marital problems, of course, so a troubled marriage shouldn’t be seen as a red flag for adult ADHD. But there are some marriage problems that are particularly likely to affect the relationships of those with ADHD. Often, the partners of people with undiagnosed ADHD take poor listening skills and an inability to honor commitments as a sign that their partner doesn’t care. If you’re the person suffering from ADHD, you may not understand why you’re partner is upset, and you may feel you’re being nagged or blamed for something that’s not your fault.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 4: Extreme Distractibility
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder is a problem with attention regulation, so adult ADHD can make it difficult to succeed in today’s fast-paced, hustle-bustle world. Many people find that distractibility can lead to a history of career underperformance, especially in noisy or busy offices. If you have adult ADHD, you might find that phone calls or email derail your attention, making it hard for you to finish tasks.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 5: Poor Listening Skills
Do you zone out during long business meetings? Did your husband forget to pick up little Jimmy at baseball practice, even though you called to remind him on his way home? Problems with attention result in poor listening skills in many adults with ADHD, leading to a lot of missed appointments and misunderstandings.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 6: Restlessness, Problems Relaxing
While many children with ADHD are “hyperactive,” this ADHD symptom often appears differently in adults. Rather than bouncing off the walls, adults with ADHD are more likely to exhibit restlessness or find they can’t relax. If you have adult ADHD, others might describe you as edgy or tense.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 7: Problems Starting a Task
Just as children with ADHD often put off doing homework, people with adult ADHD often drag their feet when starting tasks that require a lot of attention. This procrastination often adds to existing problems, including marital disagreements, workplace issues, and problems with friends.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 8: Chronic Lateness
There are many reasons adults with attention deficit hyperactivity disorder are usually late. First, they’re often distracted on the way to an event, maybe realizing the car needs to be washed, and then noticing they’re low on gas, and before they know it an hour has gone by. People with adult ADHD also tend to underestimate how much time it takes to finish a task, whether it’s a major assignment at work or a simple home repair.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 9: Angry Outbursts
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder often leads to problems controlling emotions. Many people with adult ADHD are quick to explode over minor issues. Often, the person with ADHD feels as if they have absolutely no control over their emotions. Many times, their anger fades as quickly as it flared, long before the people who dealt with the outburst have gotten over the incident.
Adult ADHD Symptom No. 10: Prioritizing Issues
Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder can wreak havoc on planning, too. Often, people with adult ADHD mis-prioritize, failing to meet big obligations, like a deadline at work, while spending countless hours on something insignificant, such as getting a higher score on a video game.
Now, I don't suffer from Driving issues, or marital problems, but I more or less have a lot of these issues.
I think it might be hereditary. Cause my dad has some of these problems too, and he's got the failed marriage under his belt also. But I'm very self aware at the same time, while being overly paranoid (which I get from my mother) and that last Paragraph really nailed home a good problem that I know that I suffer from. I plan and plan, but never follow through properly, and I waste countless hours on the net doing next to nothing some times. Or I write, and when I write, I get frustrated that it's never as good as I think my writing should be.
It might also account for my non existent love life. But I chop that up to social awkwardness, weight, and my under par looks.
The kicker is that I know that I can do some of the stuff I set out to do. But I always find myself cutting it short or never finishing it. Its what a goldfish must feel like, that's probably why they're so content with sitting in a bowl sucking on fake pebbles all day.
All I know is that I'm 25. I made a promise to myself at the age of 16 after reading REBEL WITH OUT A CREW that I would be on my way to a career in film at this age. Instead, I'm no better off than I was in High school. With the years going by faster, I have a horrible feeling that I'm going to wake up one day, 48, and realized that I've done nothing with my life, and drown my sorrows at a buffet until my eventual death by Tidal Wave at the beach one night.
I think I'm going to lay off energy drinks for a bit..
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Creepiness is living in an upstairs loft!
As I write this, I'm very tired. Why? Because I was up very late last night. See I had gone and peeped Wolverine with my good friend Melissa. After enjoying 90 minutes of Huge Jackman's naked upper torso, I came home. Home being my grandparents place were I currently dwell between apartment living. I talked for an hour to a very passionate Elisabeth, who had, like Popeye, had all she could stands and couldn't stands no more from the same movie I had just watched. After our conversation ended, I rolled over to try to get some sleep before it would be too late..
Well, that didn't work. See, the upstairs portion of the house I'm living at not only creaks, but I swear that there are small, shadow gremlins living there and try to get me at night. Get me with their rape spoons!
Its the fact that the room, once the door is closed, is a black hole of sound. The silence is literally deafening. And with that, and no light, the mind wanders. Add to that that there is a constant creak and buckle of the house, my sleep patterns are way off.
From my past experiences sleeping there, sleeping in this room is like sleeping in a sound deprivation chamber, and that's the bad thing!
With no outside noise, my mind wont shut up at night! And it gets bad! I start thinking of scenarios of horrible things that could go wrong! Strange Muppet men coming out of the closet to grab me! Oh, then there the almost A.D.D. habit of contemplating the different events of my own demise! And praying for Nanotechnology to get cranking. Thinking of ones mortality is not a bad thing, but when you start thinking, and the wheels don't stop, one dosnt sleep, and when I don't sleep, I get paranoid to the point that I fall asleep out of pure exhaustion.
Now, I would take Nightquil for this, but its like doing drugs, and my dreams became horrible tapestries of pale men with no lips and eyelids standing over my bed and just breathing on me before they scamper back into my closet (this actually happened to me one night. I awoke to see what looked like foot prints walking over my dirty cloths on the floor and the cloths in my closet sway as if something parted them!)
I've been told I have a creative mind... I think I have an active mind, but creativity is a bit of s stretch sometimes.
So now, I sleep with the radio on high, and the fan on full blast even if its freezing. Noise is good! Noise keeps the darkies away! (Darkies soon to be a film when I pull some sort of miracle out of my ass)
Im not sure were I was going with this....
Well, that didn't work. See, the upstairs portion of the house I'm living at not only creaks, but I swear that there are small, shadow gremlins living there and try to get me at night. Get me with their rape spoons!
Its the fact that the room, once the door is closed, is a black hole of sound. The silence is literally deafening. And with that, and no light, the mind wanders. Add to that that there is a constant creak and buckle of the house, my sleep patterns are way off.
From my past experiences sleeping there, sleeping in this room is like sleeping in a sound deprivation chamber, and that's the bad thing!
With no outside noise, my mind wont shut up at night! And it gets bad! I start thinking of scenarios of horrible things that could go wrong! Strange Muppet men coming out of the closet to grab me! Oh, then there the almost A.D.D. habit of contemplating the different events of my own demise! And praying for Nanotechnology to get cranking. Thinking of ones mortality is not a bad thing, but when you start thinking, and the wheels don't stop, one dosnt sleep, and when I don't sleep, I get paranoid to the point that I fall asleep out of pure exhaustion.
Now, I would take Nightquil for this, but its like doing drugs, and my dreams became horrible tapestries of pale men with no lips and eyelids standing over my bed and just breathing on me before they scamper back into my closet (this actually happened to me one night. I awoke to see what looked like foot prints walking over my dirty cloths on the floor and the cloths in my closet sway as if something parted them!)
I've been told I have a creative mind... I think I have an active mind, but creativity is a bit of s stretch sometimes.
So now, I sleep with the radio on high, and the fan on full blast even if its freezing. Noise is good! Noise keeps the darkies away! (Darkies soon to be a film when I pull some sort of miracle out of my ass)
Im not sure were I was going with this....
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Fat on Fat thinking....
There is something wrong with this country.
The other day, I was at Souplantation with a friend. As I dipped my bread stick in Ranch Dressing for the umpteenth time, my head perked up like a raptor in the tall grass to what sounded like a group of chinchillas being sodomized with reeds. It was a table of women, all LARGE and IN CHARGE, and it was then I realized that there was no one under 250 pounds in this place to be seen.
I found it ironic that in Souplantation, a self proclaimed "healthy" eatery, is filled with nothing but Water buffalo and Dugongs. Yet, In and Out, a place that prides its self on its Double Double Hamburgers and Shakes, is filled with anorexic emo kids and modestly fit families.
Its as if Bizzaro world is starting to merge with our world, and people of its land are pushing mind altering drugs on us.
It was at this time that I pondered this question, as I sat in front of my salad pile, that had noodles, croutons, 3 kinds of oils and vinegars, beacon bits, cheese and FAT FREE honey mustard dressing that's shaped like the Devil's Tower from Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind. (and believe me, the fact that my last name is EATON and Im grossly overweight is not lost on me)What the fuck? How could this be. It must be the same reaction when people learn that there was a serial killer living next door to them for years and always thought that strange smell was just his compost pile in the back because the guy is ECO FRIENDLY.
My friend then pointed out that this place is still a BUFFET style restaurant. Meaning all you can eat, as he pointed to the stack of bread sticks on my plate. Because it has its "HEALTHY STATUS", everyone here eats more than Swine at their troughs, and super load on the inhuman amount of carbs that are included in said meal. Meanwhile, everyone who eats at In and Out, well, are health nuts getting a quick fix of junk food so they don't go completely insane, before they go mountain biking or, if they're emo scene kids, go cut themselves in self pity.
It put a damper on the place. Noting that most of the crowd there that night were all rocking sweat pants and tight fitting shirts. Something I would of expected at HOEMTOWN BUFFET, but not here.
It just made me realize that, A) I need to pay attention more B) we're mostly fucked as a race.
Considering my weight issues, I thought long and hard about my eating habits. Then, I went back to dunking my cheesy bread stick into a vat of home style ranch dressing.
My gym pass will get proper use one of these days...
The other day, I was at Souplantation with a friend. As I dipped my bread stick in Ranch Dressing for the umpteenth time, my head perked up like a raptor in the tall grass to what sounded like a group of chinchillas being sodomized with reeds. It was a table of women, all LARGE and IN CHARGE, and it was then I realized that there was no one under 250 pounds in this place to be seen.
I found it ironic that in Souplantation, a self proclaimed "healthy" eatery, is filled with nothing but Water buffalo and Dugongs. Yet, In and Out, a place that prides its self on its Double Double Hamburgers and Shakes, is filled with anorexic emo kids and modestly fit families.
Its as if Bizzaro world is starting to merge with our world, and people of its land are pushing mind altering drugs on us.
It was at this time that I pondered this question, as I sat in front of my salad pile, that had noodles, croutons, 3 kinds of oils and vinegars, beacon bits, cheese and FAT FREE honey mustard dressing that's shaped like the Devil's Tower from Close Encounters of the 3rd Kind. (and believe me, the fact that my last name is EATON and Im grossly overweight is not lost on me)What the fuck? How could this be. It must be the same reaction when people learn that there was a serial killer living next door to them for years and always thought that strange smell was just his compost pile in the back because the guy is ECO FRIENDLY.
My friend then pointed out that this place is still a BUFFET style restaurant. Meaning all you can eat, as he pointed to the stack of bread sticks on my plate. Because it has its "HEALTHY STATUS", everyone here eats more than Swine at their troughs, and super load on the inhuman amount of carbs that are included in said meal. Meanwhile, everyone who eats at In and Out, well, are health nuts getting a quick fix of junk food so they don't go completely insane, before they go mountain biking or, if they're emo scene kids, go cut themselves in self pity.
It put a damper on the place. Noting that most of the crowd there that night were all rocking sweat pants and tight fitting shirts. Something I would of expected at HOEMTOWN BUFFET, but not here.
It just made me realize that, A) I need to pay attention more B) we're mostly fucked as a race.
Considering my weight issues, I thought long and hard about my eating habits. Then, I went back to dunking my cheesy bread stick into a vat of home style ranch dressing.
My gym pass will get proper use one of these days...
Monday, April 20, 2009
BEST THING I"VE SEEN TODAY!
This picture...
of Weird Al in Rob Zombies Halloween 2.........
Al and Malcolm McDowel. Finally.. there is peace in the world.
of Weird Al in Rob Zombies Halloween 2.........
Al and Malcolm McDowel. Finally.. there is peace in the world.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
My taste in films.. AKA another top 10 list
I started writing this earlier, but my computer froze. I'm getting ready to crack into a potential blockbuster script, so I want to crank this out before I forget and slowly go nuts over not posting it.
Figuring that I will rant about movies on here, I felt it only fair to give an idea about some of my personal taste. These are films that I hold near and dear and watch a hell of a lot (sans one) So in the act of shameless self promotion.. I give you my top 10 list of my all time favorite films.
10.
Its a Wonderful Life
I will openly admit to 2 things with this film. 1. I only watch it once a year. 2. I weep like a sappy little bitch at the end of it. But, unlike many tearjerkers, THIS FILM EARNS ITS WEEP! I tell people that hate this movie to get in line behind the serial killers and rapist because they're getting into heaven first because you hate this film. Any decent person can see what a masterpiece this film is! Ray Charles said so!
9.
Chasing Amy
Kevin Smiths Finest film. A man who I hold in high regard because he's the guy that made it. He was the fat nerd that turned his passion into a profitable career. (some thing that mirrors my life) And Chasing Amy shows the mans chops as a writer. Brilliant characters were crafted and created in this film. While not the most visually pleasing film, its gives you much more in its dialog.
8.
Big Trouble in Little China
I was baptised in this film. From the tender age of 5 till I could remember, this film has been in my life. My dad showed it to me when I was 5 and over the years, it was constantly repeated on local afternoon tv. My man love for Kurt Russel stems from this film, and while many people site THE THING as John Carpenters best film, I hold this as the crown Jewel of his works. It was way ahead of its time, and threes and insane brilliance in a trucker, fighting mythical china men just to get his truck back. I named my Honda accord, my first car, the Pork chop express (and it wasn't just a play on my fat boy stance)
7.
Battle Royale.
If Big Trouble represents my love of wackiness, Battle Royale represents my love of Hardcore violence and political satire. Just about everyone my age loves this film (hell, I showed it to them) and anyone over 30 seems to hate it. I think its because its a product of its time, but as a bit of a loner in High school, when this came out, this film kinda spoke a message to me. And I think it said something when I get a kick out of watching kids forced to kill each other in the name of entertainment.. therapy will probably be needed one day...
6.
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla
Godzilla as a whole is an integral part of my life. Its what I was raised on. Its part of my DNA. My love of dinosaurs as a child hooked me like a crackhead to godzilla and since then, my parents and I have unloaded thousands of dollars into my collection. And, yet I own all 28 films, the 1974 Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla is my all time fav. Its got a weird grindhouse quality to it that no other godzilla film as. Space apes, INTERPOL agents, Mythical Protector gods, and a Robot Double of Godzilla all duke it out to a funky sound track. A rare film that has never seen another quite like it.
5.
The Royal Tenenbaums
Wes Anderson is like a golden brush sent by god, and Royal Tenenbaums was painted as his masterpiece. This is one of 3 films that make me feel good when I'm down, even with the irony in that statement that one could say that the ending is some what of a downer. One could also argue that the talent on screen was used to a far greater extent than any of the Ocean films..
4.
Back to the Future.
Personally, I hold this as the most perfect film ever shot. A movie that no matter what part I come into, I have to sit and finish it. Immortality was achieved in this film. And I look forward to 2015 when everything is flying and a giant hologram.
3.
Ghostbusters.
If godzilla is part of my genetic make up, Ghostbusters was the other side of the helix in my DNA strand. Made in the year of my birth, I feel a kin ship with this film. The only actors I knew by name as a child were Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Raimis and Ernie Hudson. I knew Proto Pack, I knew Ectoplasm, I knew"no living person could stack books this high" and I got smacked for repeating "WE CAME, WE SAW, WE KICKED ITS ASS" at the tender age of 6 by my mother for using the word ASS. I had a proton pack and a trap set and my brother and cousins would play for hours in our backyard. I was Ray. But this film, after 25 years, holds up greater than many comedies.
2.
Versus.
My love of GORE, FIGHTING, BATSHIT INSANITY was brought to life by Ryuhei Kitamura. I had doubts about making movies when I was younger, but when I laid eyes on this film, I knew that I wanted to do nothing more than make films. A low budget masterpiece that gripped my by my sack and got me motivated in life again.
1.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Johnny before Captain Jack, Benicio before, well, he was big. Terry Gulliams Masterpiece based on HUNTER S THOMPSONS epic book. Its not a film for everyone, and as person who doesn't do any sort of drug, its a strange film for my all time favorite according to some people. But I love it. I cant explain why, other than its fucking brilliant, and my most often quoted movie ever.
Those are the top films out of my 600 plus DVD library.. I have a wide range of stuff, but this, to me , is the creme del a creme.
Figuring that I will rant about movies on here, I felt it only fair to give an idea about some of my personal taste. These are films that I hold near and dear and watch a hell of a lot (sans one) So in the act of shameless self promotion.. I give you my top 10 list of my all time favorite films.
10.
Its a Wonderful Life
I will openly admit to 2 things with this film. 1. I only watch it once a year. 2. I weep like a sappy little bitch at the end of it. But, unlike many tearjerkers, THIS FILM EARNS ITS WEEP! I tell people that hate this movie to get in line behind the serial killers and rapist because they're getting into heaven first because you hate this film. Any decent person can see what a masterpiece this film is! Ray Charles said so!
9.
Chasing Amy
Kevin Smiths Finest film. A man who I hold in high regard because he's the guy that made it. He was the fat nerd that turned his passion into a profitable career. (some thing that mirrors my life) And Chasing Amy shows the mans chops as a writer. Brilliant characters were crafted and created in this film. While not the most visually pleasing film, its gives you much more in its dialog.
8.
Big Trouble in Little China
I was baptised in this film. From the tender age of 5 till I could remember, this film has been in my life. My dad showed it to me when I was 5 and over the years, it was constantly repeated on local afternoon tv. My man love for Kurt Russel stems from this film, and while many people site THE THING as John Carpenters best film, I hold this as the crown Jewel of his works. It was way ahead of its time, and threes and insane brilliance in a trucker, fighting mythical china men just to get his truck back. I named my Honda accord, my first car, the Pork chop express (and it wasn't just a play on my fat boy stance)
7.
Battle Royale.
If Big Trouble represents my love of wackiness, Battle Royale represents my love of Hardcore violence and political satire. Just about everyone my age loves this film (hell, I showed it to them) and anyone over 30 seems to hate it. I think its because its a product of its time, but as a bit of a loner in High school, when this came out, this film kinda spoke a message to me. And I think it said something when I get a kick out of watching kids forced to kill each other in the name of entertainment.. therapy will probably be needed one day...
6.
Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla
Godzilla as a whole is an integral part of my life. Its what I was raised on. Its part of my DNA. My love of dinosaurs as a child hooked me like a crackhead to godzilla and since then, my parents and I have unloaded thousands of dollars into my collection. And, yet I own all 28 films, the 1974 Godzilla vs Mechagodzilla is my all time fav. Its got a weird grindhouse quality to it that no other godzilla film as. Space apes, INTERPOL agents, Mythical Protector gods, and a Robot Double of Godzilla all duke it out to a funky sound track. A rare film that has never seen another quite like it.
5.
The Royal Tenenbaums
Wes Anderson is like a golden brush sent by god, and Royal Tenenbaums was painted as his masterpiece. This is one of 3 films that make me feel good when I'm down, even with the irony in that statement that one could say that the ending is some what of a downer. One could also argue that the talent on screen was used to a far greater extent than any of the Ocean films..
4.
Back to the Future.
Personally, I hold this as the most perfect film ever shot. A movie that no matter what part I come into, I have to sit and finish it. Immortality was achieved in this film. And I look forward to 2015 when everything is flying and a giant hologram.
3.
Ghostbusters.
If godzilla is part of my genetic make up, Ghostbusters was the other side of the helix in my DNA strand. Made in the year of my birth, I feel a kin ship with this film. The only actors I knew by name as a child were Dan Akroyd, Bill Murray, Harold Raimis and Ernie Hudson. I knew Proto Pack, I knew Ectoplasm, I knew"no living person could stack books this high" and I got smacked for repeating "WE CAME, WE SAW, WE KICKED ITS ASS" at the tender age of 6 by my mother for using the word ASS. I had a proton pack and a trap set and my brother and cousins would play for hours in our backyard. I was Ray. But this film, after 25 years, holds up greater than many comedies.
2.
Versus.
My love of GORE, FIGHTING, BATSHIT INSANITY was brought to life by Ryuhei Kitamura. I had doubts about making movies when I was younger, but when I laid eyes on this film, I knew that I wanted to do nothing more than make films. A low budget masterpiece that gripped my by my sack and got me motivated in life again.
1.
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.
Johnny before Captain Jack, Benicio before, well, he was big. Terry Gulliams Masterpiece based on HUNTER S THOMPSONS epic book. Its not a film for everyone, and as person who doesn't do any sort of drug, its a strange film for my all time favorite according to some people. But I love it. I cant explain why, other than its fucking brilliant, and my most often quoted movie ever.
Those are the top films out of my 600 plus DVD library.. I have a wide range of stuff, but this, to me , is the creme del a creme.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Adventures in Great Deals
I'm constantly mocked by my friends for my shopping habits. My one close friend refuse to go to the mall with me because, as he puts it, "YOU SHOP LIKE A FUCKING WOMAN". I wouldn't go as far as that, but I do take my time. I will tend to rummage through every DVD bin, every book shelf, and every rack with a fine tooth comb. I do this because I have a nagging sense in the back of my head when I shop, especially at specialty stores, that I'll miss something for a deal. Think of it like a itch that has to be scratch, or I have some Jew in me that needs to be stroked. Either way, I can count the numerous times that I've found something rare, or hard to find or was insanely cheap.
And last week, was one of those times.
I was dropping off a tshirt order for my brother at this collectors show I frequent. Its like a Mexican indoor mall, except its filled with comic books and hardly any Mexicans. I've dropped a lot of dime at this place, and with my recent Tax Return, I had money to burn, but I didn't want to.
I decided that I'd check my DVD guy to see if he got Ong Bak 2 in. Turns out he did. Not only that, but he pitched me about 15 other titles and I ended up buckling and buying a few extras that I really shouldn't have. I then had that moment were the little Devil and Angel pop on to my shoulders and give me the pros and cons of spending, and in the end, the Devil ended up kicking the Angel in the nuts and won out.
After that, it was like the Tasmanian Devil was on the loose. I hit ever single booth and dropped close to $80 bucks. After grabbing some back issues and a few figures, I stopped myself from going any further. Feeling that I should leave before I spend more, I headed for the exit.
Fortunately, I did so with impeccable timing.
There was one last booth I hadn't checked, and I was thinking about picking up the Trade PB of BUFFY, since I had to stop picking up the single issues when I moved out. Scanning the table, I see a white book.. I knew instantly what it was..
The Drew Struzan Oeuver.
A book that I have been hunting down for a while.
I've been a huge fan of Struzan for years. He defined Movie Posters, and managed to do in brush strokes what assholes on Photoshop only dream that they could do!
and for those of you who don't know who the fuck Drew Struzan is, hes done just about every movie poster for any movie that mattered.
Basically, if George Lucas or Spielberg put it out, he did it.
Now, normally, this book runs over $60 bucks. I spied the sticker, and it had a 20, just 20 written on it. It was a note pad sticky too, so I had to double check as that didn't sound right. I questioned the merchant and this is how the exchange of words went down:
ME: "hey, how much is the Struzan book?"
MERCHANT: "Oh, that's 20 bucks"
ME: (I crap myself)
MERCHANT: cont'"Yeah that book..."
ME: pulling cash out "Just stop right there, Don't need to finish your sentence"
I handed the man $20 bucks and he handed me the book. At that moment, I felt as I got away with murder.. This is what OJ must of felt that fate full night!
After I got home, I spent the following 5 hours pouring over page after page in this 208 page book. Every detail I absorbed with great glee. The topper, the fucker was only $20 bucks!
No amount of Heroin or E in the world could give me the same high I got off this thing.
When life goes right, its real nice...
By the way, later that night, I called my friend and told him to suck it.
And last week, was one of those times.
I was dropping off a tshirt order for my brother at this collectors show I frequent. Its like a Mexican indoor mall, except its filled with comic books and hardly any Mexicans. I've dropped a lot of dime at this place, and with my recent Tax Return, I had money to burn, but I didn't want to.
I decided that I'd check my DVD guy to see if he got Ong Bak 2 in. Turns out he did. Not only that, but he pitched me about 15 other titles and I ended up buckling and buying a few extras that I really shouldn't have. I then had that moment were the little Devil and Angel pop on to my shoulders and give me the pros and cons of spending, and in the end, the Devil ended up kicking the Angel in the nuts and won out.
After that, it was like the Tasmanian Devil was on the loose. I hit ever single booth and dropped close to $80 bucks. After grabbing some back issues and a few figures, I stopped myself from going any further. Feeling that I should leave before I spend more, I headed for the exit.
Fortunately, I did so with impeccable timing.
There was one last booth I hadn't checked, and I was thinking about picking up the Trade PB of BUFFY, since I had to stop picking up the single issues when I moved out. Scanning the table, I see a white book.. I knew instantly what it was..
The Drew Struzan Oeuver.
A book that I have been hunting down for a while.
I've been a huge fan of Struzan for years. He defined Movie Posters, and managed to do in brush strokes what assholes on Photoshop only dream that they could do!
and for those of you who don't know who the fuck Drew Struzan is, hes done just about every movie poster for any movie that mattered.
Basically, if George Lucas or Spielberg put it out, he did it.
Now, normally, this book runs over $60 bucks. I spied the sticker, and it had a 20, just 20 written on it. It was a note pad sticky too, so I had to double check as that didn't sound right. I questioned the merchant and this is how the exchange of words went down:
ME: "hey, how much is the Struzan book?"
MERCHANT: "Oh, that's 20 bucks"
ME: (I crap myself)
MERCHANT: cont'"Yeah that book..."
ME: pulling cash out "Just stop right there, Don't need to finish your sentence"
I handed the man $20 bucks and he handed me the book. At that moment, I felt as I got away with murder.. This is what OJ must of felt that fate full night!
After I got home, I spent the following 5 hours pouring over page after page in this 208 page book. Every detail I absorbed with great glee. The topper, the fucker was only $20 bucks!
No amount of Heroin or E in the world could give me the same high I got off this thing.
When life goes right, its real nice...
By the way, later that night, I called my friend and told him to suck it.
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