Fatty Fatty 2x4

Well, its no trade secret.. I'm fat.

Yes, fat, and not the JOLLY kinda of fat like John Goodman,



the kinda that carries it self well, and cant be imagine thin. No, I'm medically termed, MORBIDLY OBESE.

It wasn't all ways like this.. I was thin at one point in my life, roughly 7 years ago:

Here's proof!



The irony of this pic is that I know look like Del Toro, and he's lost a ton of weight!

So why am I stating the obvious?

Well, its because I fooled myself into thinking I was doing well. I thought, "Eh, I'm not that bad, I've been worse.."

No, no I haven't.

I came to this conclusion after my trip to Arizona a week ago, and got the pictures back.

This picture,



is possibly, the SECOND worst picture of me ever taken, and I don't care if the ferret makes it cuter!

I think that my problem is that I've put back on all the wight I shed last summer and that my mind has been too lax and in a fog to realize that I've been a lazy fuck when I'm anywhere but work. Oh, and even when I'm at work, I nap during lunch time, and chug mountain dew amps constantly to stay awake.

The other problem is, I see myself in a very MATRIX like fashion. When I look in the mirror, I don't see the KINGPIN esq figure looking back, no, like Neo after being plugged into the matrix for the first time since waking up bald, I see myself as I think I am, fat, but not bad.

Is it insanity? Or just denial? I think I'm going with the latter.

But that's the beauty of cameras, they don't lie!

So I've made a bold proclamation: Cut 30lbs in 6 weeks. That's right around the time of comic con. I know its an odd thing to want to get thinner for, but I don't want to be just another fat loser there, but instead, a husky go getter!

So sans tonight as I write this, I'm hitting the gym in the morning before work, hopefully to get the adrenaline going for the job and not need an energy drink in the morning, No more soda for a while, and Gym for 2 hours every night!

I've shed almost 15 pound in less than a day, I think I can do 30 in a healthy fashion in 6 weeks.

Hell, I might finally snag a girl.............

bah who am I kidding, I still have literal TONS to go before that could ever happen.

Grandparents vs Modern Technology

Its been a lovely week in the house hold that I currently call home base. This is the week that the BIG digital conversion happens in tv, meaning that the analog signal goes bye bye and we usher in a new age of DIGITAL!..

So my grandparents,




both in their early 80's, like many people their age, Don't have cable or satellite TV. My grandmother records TV shows on basic TV like a crack head needing a fix. There are literally 200 recordable VHS tapes sitting in 4 different piles in their massive home. Since they don't "WORK" anymore, they'll watch one show when it airs, and then, go back and watch a show on tape that they recorded roughly 5 months prior!

This has been their routine since I was just a wee lad still in my feety pajamas and they were real heavy into shows like LA LAW and HUNTER!

So, with this new DIGITAL conversion happening, a stereotype like a black loving Grape Soda, they're old, and had to buy the digital converter boxes. And guess who gets to help hook them up!

This guy.



...aka me!

Now, to get an idea of the last 2 days of getting these things set up properly, (which is as easy as plugging a hair dryer into the wall outlet) consider this:

My grandparents have been married for 59 years. My grandfather reminds me of Clint Eastwood's character from Grand Torino, and my grandmother is a hybrid of Ethel Murtz and Lucy Ricardo! Constantly looking for some sort of entertaining stimulation with Ethel's looks! Combined that, and woo! Just a cornucopia of colorful language!

We finally get the damn boxes up and running, and with things like these, it takes my grandfather a day or so to get use to it. Grandmother, it'll be another 4 years before she figures out what channel the things need to be on just to watch TV.

Now, for the big kicker. With these digital boxes, its like a cable box. There's a separate remote and the box changes the channel, not the TV or VCR. Which means... that the Timer Recorder on the VCR is now rendered USELESS! It took them 5 months to properly grasp the concept of DVDs when my aunt bought them a DVD player for Christmas 3 years ago. But they didn't understand it when I told them that VHS was basically dead, and, at the time, in a few years that they're tape collection will be useless. Well, that day came yesterday.

They went in to full on denial mode like a army general when he finds out his first born son is a flaming homosexual!

My grandfather insist that the company that produced these boxes wouldn't make them that you couldn't TIMER RECORD off your TV. I told them that they can still "RECORD" but it has to be what they're currently watching, and if you set a channel on the VCR that's not the channel set to the Converter box, they're just going to record fuzz. My grandmother insist that she's successfully recorded a bunch of shows in the last 2 days. In review, nothing but fuzz.

This has led to the resumed talk of getting cable finally. I've been pushing the idea since I've moved in for several reasons.

A) DVR: With our satellite service, my mom's place gets free DVR and 100 hours of recording. No more tapes. I tell them that they would be like kids in a candy store, hopped up on crank! It would make life so much easier!
B) I would have cable at their place, and I would be able to stop hanging out at my moms place and dealing with her shit every day.
C) I buy most of the stuff that comes on the Discovery Channel. They love Deadliest Catch. I tell them that they would be able to watch this stuff WHEN IT AIRS! Not only that but cable TV has so many superior shows than regular TV that they wouldn't know where to start!

This has enticed my grandmother, who lives vicariously through everyone else in the family, thus driving them nuts, and give her something to do during the day! She's real Gun ho for it. My grandfather, not so much. He's always been big on not paying for TV. He's very adamant about not spending $80 a month

So for now, at least the time being, I come home to the ramblings of two people in a loving, hate filled marriage over TV. I then go upstairs, grab some films (that haven't been pillaged by them or my brother) and go to my moms place, where I can at least talk back when I'm getting bitched at.

I'm currently recruiting the rest of the family to get behind my call to arms to get my grandparents to break down and finally get cable TV.. Life would be so much easier then.. just for once!

Dead Man's Party

Before I begin, let me make one statement.

FUCK ARIZONA!

It'll be a cold day in hell and the devils piss will freeze mid stream before I go back there again.

I spent this weekend out in Lake Havasu. Not a place that I had a lot of motivation to visit, but this was an extreme circumstance. I'm not going to go deep into it, but my friends mom had suddenly passed away, and the funeral was in Havasu. Again, it would take something of that importance to get me to go out there.

So, after driving 4 hours across the god forsaken desert, my travel companions and I arrive in Havasu, only to get lost from the shit poor street structuring and giant looping design of the place. There were no less than 6 different Lake Havasu streets: Lake Havasu st, Lake Havasu dr, Lake Havasu cir ect. ALL RIGHT NEXT TO EACH OTHER!!!!! It was maddening to the point that I wanted to go to the grave of the man who founded the town, dig up his bones and urinate in his skull!

We finally find my buddies place, plop down after some food, and I get a few hours of sleep and we head off to the funeral home.

I like to claim that a lot of things don't get to me. I've watched my fair share of perverted acts of sexual debauchery and seen people get maimed and killed online. Graveyards are kinda fascinating to me in a weird way, but not in that Goth-y, lets fuck on a persons grave while we recite Danzig lyrics. But there are two major places in which I can't explain my self in. 1) Hospitals. Something about the sanitized smell of death puts me on edge like cat who's fur is being petted the wrong way. 2) Funerals.

I've been to 3 so far in my life time, and I know that there will be more, but there is something in the atmosphere that makes me uneasy and paranoid. And it's not the fact that there's some one DEAD in a box across from where I'm sitting. I don't know, something just unnerves me.

The service goes off, and its sad, like funerals are. But at the end of the service, after everyone has said their peace, the Reverend gave us a couple psalms, and everyone had some what held it together, they play a video. What a bad idea.

Personally, I think that home video is the greatest BOON to the death industry. This was prime example. See the funeral started out with a touching song that was played over the PA system. It got every one's water works going. But the video, a montage of my friend's mother (who I knew very well, and was a wonderful woman) was just a gut punch after a terrible beating had just went down. The photos and stock footage of the things she loved played to a sad song had just about everyone in the place a massive heap. I thought to myself at this moment "WHAT DIRTY RAT BASTARD THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA AT THIS MOMENT!"

It was at this point that I started thinking, as I normally do.

I started thinking about my Funeral. Morbid I know. But let me elaborate..

It was a HELLBLAZER issue,


in which John Constantine was dying of cancer (much like in the movie) and he had just left the doctors office and was having an ALAN MOORE monologue to himself. He put it "A lot of people don't think about dying, but its something that the should" (I'm butchering the quote, as I don't have the issue handy at the moment) but it's something that's always stuck with me.

I'm constantly up in my own head, going over scenarios and other things, that's why I write on here. My own demise is one of the things that I'm constantly obsessed about. I joke about it from time to time, and its part of the reason I don't go to the beach at night. (I had a recurring dream that I would buy it in a massive tidal wave at the beach at night.. never seeing the thing coming till it was too late) but its something that I can't get out of my head. No, its not emo ish thoughts of suicide either, its the opposite. Where I get paranoid some times about doing things that I think might end it all. I've gotten over a lot of it in the last few years after doing some soul searching, but there are still little things that put me back in that mind set.

But, my funeral is something that I rarely think about. At this moment though, it was something that I starting going over in my head.

I decided on several things.

A) No cremation. Unless I pop off in a chemical fire, or I'm ravaged by a new contagious disease, I want my body in tact. My perfect situation would to be like Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky, and freeze myself till science can revive me. Preferably as s cyborg, but I'll take ravenous bio beast too! If that cant be done, I would like to be Entombed, like the mighty Pharaohs or fallen hero's of history. And if that's the way it has to be, I want some taxidermy done on me like Lenin did.





B) No sad music. I don't want fucking Green Day's Time of your life, the fucking song from the Breakfast club, any thing by fucking Coldplay or anything with a down beat! What I want is something WAY over the line and inappropriate. I want the service to start with me in the casket, propped up against the wall, not lying down! I want to adorn in armour with a battle ax in one hand and a sycle in the other, and WHITE AND NERDY by Weird Al to kick things off. Then when it seems like things are going to settle down after the initial shock of Weird Al playing, I want a few words spoken, and for the usher to play DEAD MAN'S PARTY by Oingo Boingo if tears start rolling. If a video is to be played, I want a montage of the WORST PICTURES OF ME THAT ANYONE CAN FIND with Dennis Leary's I"M AN ASSHOLE played over it, but that's only if there MUST BE a video played. Finally, after the last respects are played, I want to be hauled out to Akira Ikafube's Godzila's Theme. If not, I will come back as a ghost and poltergeist the fuck out of everyone.

C) There must be the following figures around my coffin: A bandai Godzilla, preferably the late 90s one. A dicast Voltron, an Iron Hide from Transformers, A Pumpkinhead figure, a large T-Rex, don't care from what, He-Man and Skeletor, a Delorian from Back to the Future 2 and a Proton pack!

D)I want two women dressed as Japanese Gothic Lolita girls to hand out the little pamphlet that gives a person the stats of the dead's funeral. And I want something along the lines of Royal Tennenbam's DIED HEROICALLY SAVING HIS FAMILY FROM A SINKING SHIP as the reason for my demise. Just a blatant lie! Maybe died saving a school bus of children from a pack of ravenous Kodiak bears in the Alaskan wilderness! And, there must be a midget dressed as Toad from Super Mario Brothers to greet everyone coming in.

E) I want a picture of Hunter S Thompson hung behind me, and a poster of Billy D Williams whoring Colt 45 beside me.

F) Finally, I want a Frank Frazetta esq painting of me, slaying a two headed dragon with a broken sword on top a pile of bones as 5 nude and chained women look on in sexual terror!

Basically, what Jim Henson had for his funeral.

Much like UP did for me last week, this weekend just got me thinking more about what I'm doing with my life. I've always been one to push that you could pop off at any time, so don't waste the time that you have, but I've been hard to take my own medicine sometimes. As long as I don't kill over, David Carridean style, I think that things will be fine.

OH, and still, FUCK ARIZONA!

FUCK YOU TMZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I don't consider myself a violent person. Angry, maybe. Cynical, definitely. Violent? Only in the mind..

But there are a small laundry list of things that make me want to just go full on Death Star on an Orphanage!

One of these things.. TMZ

TMZ is a gossip rag that AOL/TIME WARNER puts out that popped up in popularity overnight, and has a fucking TV show. How do I know this? Well, it comes on after Simpson reruns during the weekday.

Now I have watched precisely, 3 full episodes in its entire run.

The first time I watched it, my soul felt like it was being eaten away by cancer!

The second time, I was too lazy to change the channel, and after watching it, I felt the need for a rape shower.

Then, last week, I spied it again, and I couldn't take it anymore!

First off, where the fuck dose this show get off! They have these jack ass camera fucks standing around, dick in hands, waiting in celeb spots to ask retarded fucking questions for a fucking reaction to show on the show.

It would be if I waited out side all day for a dog to walk by, see a spot of grass and start taking a shit. I would then run up to the dog, ask him what has he been doing today, and how is that shit he's taking? Once the deuce is dropped, what are this thoughts about the crap as it walks off to lick its asshole! I would then present my footage to the public to lap up like a bunch of drunken, meth addicted zombies for a reaction.

THIS IS WHAT THESE ASSFUCKS DO! The kicker, they get fucking c or D grade celebs at best! The episode I watched, some duchebag with a camera found KEVIN SORBO, mother fuckin Hercules himself, in the Glendale Galleria, shopping. KEVIN SORBO!!!! This ass hole then follows KEVIN SORBO (mind you, doing that duchebag backwards walk as Kevin is just trying to do his thing and shop at Macy's!) and ask him " HEY KEVIN, WHAT ARE YOU SHOPPING FOR" Kevin foolishly replies "I bought a Wii game for my kid" Trap set, and the duchebag eggs on Masturbation innuendos that Kevin isn't picking up on, and clearly making him look like a fucking retard.

PEOPLE NEED TO FUCKING KNOW THIS SHIT?? WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT KEVIN SORBO IS FUCKING SHOPPING FOR!

Second thing! These assholes seem to just hang around airports a lot. HOW THE FUCK ARE THEY ABLE TO DO THIS! We've made a huge deal about AIRPORT Security, and we all have to take off our shoes and cant bring an eye dropper of hand lotion on board, and if you park more than 5.9 seconds in the unloading zone, SWAT storms your car and asks at gun point what you're doing. YET these airports allow people to run around with Camera's who are just loitering around all day waiting for someone to board a flight?????? WHAT THE FUCK! I thought we had laws for this sort of thing! Why cant some one pull a little police brutality on these clowns and tell them to take a hike with their fucking camera's!

Lastly.. THE STAFF! NEVER have I seen a bigger collection of High school journalism dropouts in one room in my whole life! These people look like they've O.D. on pot brownies and Miller Light. They make big deals about Kate Hudson getting a hair in her fucking pasta in some restaurant outside of St Louis MO. FUCK YOU GET A REAL JOB! Apparently you weren't good enough for REAL journalism because all you do is take the video that the duchebag drones that are hanging outside of LAX for the day get and pass it off as you're own shit!

Then there's the ring leader, HARVEY LEVIN.



This guy use to be a Lawyer in the late 70's to early 80's then went to work on such classics as the Peoples Court and Celebrity Justice. He was also a reporter for CBS in LA and caused a stir during the OJ trial after he released a video of Marcia Clark going through OJ's house before a warrant was issued. NOW he runs this web site and show and acts like hes doing the world a fucking favor by following Celebrities around 24 hours a day! He also hosts the TV show and dose this thing that irritates me. He basically stands behind a cubical with this fucking sippy cup and listens and comments on what "NEWS" his fucking duchey minions have for the day.

I just want.. everyone involved with this show to get crabs that are full of Napalm! Just little fiery explosions that are painful all over their body so that they may suffer for what they're doing.

Oh, and the people who support this shit by watching and reading. FUCK YOU TOO! You're the fucking enabler of this shit, like the buddy of a drunk that keeps insisting that one more isn't going to hurt. THE PEOPLE THAT WATCH THIS SHOW REGULARLY.. HAVE NO SOUL! They will not get into the Nirvana of the afterlife and will suffer a thousand horrible fates and the hands of Hades.

Why, WHY as a civilized society do we do this.

I'm going to go lay down now.

Oh Irony!

So recently, the California state supreme court held up PROP 8, which ban's gay marriage. People were pissed, and blood and possibly semen filled the streets.

Blah blah.

The fact that Gay marriage is banned in what is possibly the most liberal state in the union is not what I find hilarious, its the people that helped pass the prop in the first place.

See, back in November, when this whole thing was going on, there was a shit load of YES on Prop 8 ads that were on par with German propagandize films. The two main themes that they struck home were that A) THE SCHOOLS ARE GOING TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT GAY MARRIAGE!!!! Meaning that their fragile little minds will be blown by the idea of a woman kissing another woman or a dude blowing another dude!



2) That the evil gays will FORCE THE CHURCHES TO MARRY THEM!!!!!!! OH MY GOD NO!!!!!!!!

Now, anyone with 2 fucking brain cells that rub together like dolphins in an orgy, knows that neither of this shit was true.

Truns out, you can sell bull shit to just about anyone in this state.

And who exactly bought in to this bull shit...






oh, and retarded white people like this...




I know what you're thinking.. Chris you racist bastard.

And I say to that.. FUCK YOU!

Check out this exit poll data!

What astounds me and makes me laugh is this:

Two major "minorities" The Blacks and the Hispanics (The Mexicans.. I am talking about California in the majority) These two groups have been bitching and fucking whining about how the white man and the establishment has been keeping them down for years. YEARS!

As a white male, I have lived with this stereotype.. being the WHITE DEVIL! I have to watch my word structuring in every day life lest I be labeled a full on racist. If I jump out in a crowded room, and say "THE JIG IS UP" and there's a black guy there, WELL, guess who's the fucking racist!

Well, now it seems that see-saw of injustice tilts both ways!

See, the election for Prop 8 also happened to be the same election that the "NATION" (I.E. the Electoral Collage) elected our current, BLACK president, Barack Obama!

To make something clear, I'm a full on Obama supporter. The man has a brain, and clearly showed that he can think clearly!

But who turned out in record numbers to "vote" for Obama? The Blacks.. and shockingly, the Mexicans!

And what did they cast as their vote when it came to the rights of the GAYS, a fellow minority...

A stern YES on 8! A nice Fuck you to the gays!

When given the chance, they put their collective foot down and stomped on the hopes and dreams of a group of people that were just asking for one little thing..

I find it fucking hilarious!

A nation voted a black man in office, but the black/Hispanics couldn't give it up for some people that just wanted a fucking title!

Why? Because they wanted to stick it to some one? Possibly. I personally blame 2 things. The stout religious following of both groups, and the fact that most of them are poorly educated and believed the hype that the Pro 8 ads spewed.

How do I know this?

Well, from just a personal stand point, I work with a large collection of Hispanics (I don't think we have anyone that's black at my work...) and Asians.. but a lot of Hispanics. So the day after the election, I was having a conversation with the cashier at my work. She happens to be of Hispanic decent. I thought at this point that, sans some of her pro feminist bull, that she was reasonably smart. WRONG.

The conversation went something like this:

Me: So who did you vote for?

Cashier: Obama

Me: And did what did you vote on 8?

Cashier: I voted yes..

Me: Um.. can I ask why?

Cashier: Well, I have nothing wrong with gay people, I just don't want the churches to get sued.

Me: I dont mean to be brash, but you're fucking retarded.

Cashier: How

Me: Gays can't sue any church to get married in a church. Theres a law stating separation of Church and state.

Cashier: But they said that it would happen if they were allowed to get married.

Me: First off, they were already allowed to get married, for like 6 months! Did you hear about any churches getting sued???

Cashier: No.. but prop 8 is to keep them from getting married.

Me: No! The courts said that they could get married back in June. You just voted to take those rights away.

Cashier: But they would force churches to marry them.

Me: No they wouldn't. Churches can pick and choose who ever the fuck they want to marry. If you're not Catholic, you cant get married in a Catholic Church.. same with any other church that decides so.

Cashier: Well, that's fine. Marriage is a sacred thing anyway. If they want "marriage" just call it a Civil Union

Me: First off, Marriage hasn't sacred in about 30 years. The divorce rate is at like %52 percent. Being married for over 10 years now a days is a rare triumph! So to say that Marriage is a sacred fuck thing is as retarded as Corky from Life Goes On

Cashier: Who?

Me: Never mind. Second, to call it a Civil Union is the problem because it's Separate but equal, and that's unconstitutional. Did you not pay attention to 12th grade government! Its the reason why there aren't separate water fountains anymore!

Cashier: Ok, but marriage is still a religious ceremony. Its a holy act.

Me: (now yelling) ARE YOU HIGH! No it isn't. With that thinking, then Atheist, or Asians couldn't get married. In order to get married anywhere in the united states, you have to get a state issued license. Thats what this whole thing is about. Why do you think most of these gay marriages that you had no idea were going on were all at City Halls around the state? BECAUSE ITS IN THE EYES OF THE FUCKING STATE!!!! NOT GOD!!!! Any one with the IQ of a plant that pays any attention to the world around them knows this! Just because you get married in a church, dosent mean the state will recognize it. The state needs to issue you a license so that they can take the taxes that they need from you as a couple and you can get the breaks you need from them. Hell, in the shit ball economy we're in, we need these people to get married so that we as a state can get some extra cash out of them..

Breathing..

The conversation went on from there for a few more minutes before my boss walked in and i had to make it look like I was busy.

But that wasn't the end of it. I was blown away by the back counter guy who voted Yes because he didn't want his kids learning about gay marriage in school. When I asked him how old his kids were. Answer 11 and 13

I was dumbfounded. I told him that his kids probably already knew what a rim job was.

I didn't get an answer.

After all of that, my head still hurts. After yesterday's ruling, the PRO MARRIAGE groups coming out just make me want to hit myself with a bat.

Personally, I could give less of a shit if some dude wants to smoke some poll in his house, or if some chick wants to mow grass on another chick in their apartment. If they want to be married, then so be it. I come from a broken home, I've seen first hand how people treat the 'sanctity of marriage', and believe me, its a dying breed.

My quarrel is that people are fucking stupid about stuff like this. If they stopped listening to their mob groups and gave a little shit about other people, we wouldn't have this problem. But no, these people, and I do believe that they think this, feel that GAY is going to spread like the bubonic plague and before you know it, its just going to be a rainbow covered orgy of cock sucking!

So when I find it funny that for once, the whites gave a group of people a shot, yet other minorities told them to go fuck themselves is funny.

But in this Post High School Musical generation, its only a matter of time before everyone stops giving a shit, and everyone kinda gets along..

Has the world lost its mind!

I made a commitment a few weeks ago, that, since I don't have Internet at the grandparents house (where Im currently crashing) that I would start watching more movies and catch up on TV shows (for I'm horribly behind on the SHIELD, and I do loves me some Vic Mackey)

So tonight, after a long day at work, I had a copy of LET THE RIGHT ONE IN sitting on top of my stack of TO WATCH dvds.

(in case you're wondering what else is on there, here are some titles)






Now that's a small chunk. And yes, I've already seen some of those, its just I recently picked them up on DVD.

but I digress.

Tonight, tonight was LET THE RIGHT ONE IN. A Swedish Vampire flick that a lot of people I've talked to or heard from rave about this film. Claims that it changes the Vampire movies as we see them. One of the best movies of last year.

So, I finally get the opportunity to watch it. ( I could of easily put in my bootleg of Crank 2, but I apparently wanted something.."smart")

Upon watching this movie for almost 2 hours, I got up, scratched my head, and said aloud as if expecting someone to answer me in my empty house, "TH ATS IT?"

Let the Right One In is nothing more that if Wes Anderson stopped being talented, and wanted to make a gothy kinda vampire flick about a little girl vampire (that's more than meets the eye!!!) and some dumb ass kid who gets the shit beaten out of him. The movie moved at the pace of an 104 year old man trying to get to the end of the drive way to get his paper. Nothing but wide static shots, with maybe 3 really cool looking moments. The rest is... FILLER!

This, on top of my "MEH" view on Star Trek, I started thinking that maybe I've lost touch with my inner movie geek, that maybe I'm either SUPER RETARDED, in that I only find enjoyment from dumb films, or that I've become some sort of film snob..

After deliberating for a few hours, I've come to the conclusion that the people around my generation have become poser film buffs.

These are the people that will suck the collective dicks of "artures" because they can make some indy looking fuck fest of a film. That bash every single summer film because its "TOO POPCORNY" or unintelligent. That give praise to Indy films that clearly need some constructive criticisms.

There are a lot of people that only watch what they've been "TOLD" to watch by their fucking film school teacher! That don't know that there are more classics than whats on the AFI's fucking list. PEOPLE WHO"VE NEVER SEEN THE 7TH VOYAGE OF SIMBAD!

Maybe I got lucky. I grew up in a house hold with a dad who loved to paint, and loved old comic books and loved monster movies, new and old. By the time I was 9 I had seen everything that Ray Harryhausen did and every movie Toho Studios made. I had monster movies that most people would only see on Mystery Science Theater 3000 (one of the greatest show ever BTW) On my 7 birthday, I got to see ROBOCOP 2! I was reading Famous Monsters of Film land, modern day X-men and Spidey Books, and BEOWULF by the age of 12.

I had a film understanding of whats good and what's bad. It's entertainment, if it fails to entertain you, then said piece has failed its goal.

Now, there are people walking around and screaming on the Internet about how Terminator 4 is going to suck balls because James Cameron isn't on it, and McG is, and yet, have never seen 12 Angry Men, or the original Planet of the Apes.

Maybe the culture I've decided to fold into is collapsing on its self. That theres too much pseudo intellect going around that its infusing everything else around it and dumbing down everyone.

I don't know..............


But what I do know is that LET THE RIGHT ONE IN was weaksause.

Dressed to Unimpressed

So last night, I went out to dinner with, a friend of a friend. This person happens to be of the female persuasion. (shocking!) Its not that we're strangers or anything, she kinda knows me.

The dinner was mostly consistent with what I normally do when I go out with women. Let them vent to me. I believe that the cosmos designated me as a universal ear for people to commune to their grievances. I've heard many, many stories, enough for a mid sized coffee table book I will eventually call, "BITCHING"

It's not a bad thing honestly. I've learned allot about the Human Condition just by listening, and in turn, have been able to dish out some advice here and there.

Well, last night, around hour 2 of her venting, she brought up relationships and dating. We went over her past and her style in High school. This led to a side discussion of fashion in terms to the people she associates with and with the guys she dates. I made a smart ass remark to kinda loosen the atmosphere, but she then questioned me about my past relationships.

Now, this girl has some idea of my horrid past with women, but not allot. I reiterated that I've never been in any sort of relationship. I also brought up the irony that for a while, a good portion of my friends were predominately female.

She kinda chuckled (as they all do) and told me that its probably the way I dress.

That sentence kinda came as a mild shock.

Let me explain why.

To get an idea of my sense of fashion, I provide you with these:





This is my usual attire. Super long baggy shorts, a black shirt with some sort of logo on it, and I'm usually sporting a hoodie of some sort (for the time, its my TAPOUT one) And if whether permits, my PRIDE FIGHTING beanie, and a trench coat.

Its usually the best I can do. I'm a big guy, and on top of that, not the greatest looking guy either. I would put my looks around Cave troll and garden gnome. And there's not a hell of a lot I can do to accessories. I tried this as a joke one time.



Scary..

So this girl proclaimed that when she first met me, that I kinda looked like a rapist/sleazebag.

I chuckled in victory, but she went on to say that she was serious. Now that she knows me better, she says that she knows I'M NOT a sleazebag rapist, but more or less, a nice, but lazy looking mother fucker.

This got me thinking..

Perhaps my dress code is part of my status problems,I pondered. Maybe, a lot of my social awkwardness is part in parcel of my hardcore Kevin Smith rip off look?

When that thought bubbled popped and I jolted back to reality, I told her, simply.. MEH. I'm happy the way I am. Sure, I look like I could very well end up being NORM from Cheers one day, but I told her why make myself miserable wearing shit that I don't like, when I'm fully content with what I got.

This way of thinking kinda went over her head and it took her a moment to grasp it. She honestly couldn't understand that some one like me wouldn't be changing or going above and beyond to achieve something, that simply I think, is pointless at this point.

I told her, I'm 25, while I'm still young, I'm kinda set in my ways. If the ladies don't dig on the Chris, then fine, so be it. I reaffirmed this in that why would I want to be with some one that, if they're not into my look, then they're not really into me.

From my experience, yes there is compromise to being in some sort of relationship, but honestly, if the people in said relationships don't like some of their significant others major attributes, then clearly, there's no point in being with them. No one should change the way they are for anyone one else. It also goes the other way that no one should change some one else to suit their needs. All it brings is a shit storm in the end.

So if a female is ever into me, its going to be for who I am. Me, the overweight, darkly cynical geek who swears a lot, loves watching pain inflicted on people who deserve it, enjoys cartoons and likes to wander about in weird places for the hell of it. Other wise, why bother.

Besides, not that it really matters. Back when I was thin and dressed more appropriately, it wasn't like I was some fucking pussy magnet. No, I was just like I am now, except thinner, had a positive out look on life, less racist, and a bit more naive. And it still yielded no results and just oodles of heartbreak!

So, I stands my motto, "Fuck you", when it comes to people calling me out on what I do with my life. If you don't like the way I am, don't associate with me, and I'll do the same.